My Marriage with a Scientologist
(c) by Ilse Hruby,
Awadalla and Maria Susanne Klar
translated by Joe
2002 update for English-language release
Before the English language version of Ilse Hruby's book was published
on the Internet, the author was asked if she had gotten any response
Scientology or her former husband as a result of her experiences. The
news is that neither Scientology nor her former husband have sued her.
However, there were several incidents she felt were related to either
husband or to Scientology. Several weeks after Ilse Hruby's book was
in September 2000, the hospital in which she worked as an operating
(OR) nurse received a letter, an English rendition of which follows.
The XXXXXX General Hospital was an old hospital and did not have an
connection at this time.
Dr. Martin LXXXX,
October 11, 2000
XXXXXX General Hospital
Attn: Business Management
Subject: My client Mr. Pascal* HXXXX and member of your staff
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am entrusted with the legal representation of Mr. Pascal*
My client is the divorced husband of Mrs. Ilse Hruby, who is
with you in the emergency department as OR nurse. Mrs. Ilse Hruby
very much time distributing incorrect statements over the internet
her past with my client and about - my client is a Scientologist -
This has gotten to the point where my client has to ask what kind of
and effort Mrs. Ilse Hruby has to put into this effort.
Based on Mrs. Ilse Hruby's duty times and the date-time
Ilse Hruby's submissions to the internet, my client has the suspicion
she may be using your computer equipment for her internet access.
In the event this suspicion is verified, my client
that a stop be put these unfortunate occurrences. Respectfully,
The book's author also reported several coincidences that may possibly
be not connected to her experiences with Scientology, but which caught
her attention due to their unusual and alarming nature and proximity to
the turn of events.
Several weeks after the above letter was written, she found in
two rocks, which had arrived there via the windows while she was at
and while her son was at school.
Around the time her divorce was being finalized in March 1999,
home from work one day to find her previously healthy 6-year-old cat
in the garden. There was no visible sign of how the cat died. In about
the same time period, after a meeting with a journalist, she returned
her car to find two of the tires slashed.
While no calling cards were left at the scenes of these three
given the policies written for Scientology and given Scientology's
it is not inconceivable that these were attempts at coercion with
to the author, or at intimidation with regard to future writers who
Scientology as a topic of discussion. It is important to note that the
force of coercion does not necessarily involve the actual fact of
violence, only the prospect of harm or loss. The former leaves physical
evidence of intent, while the latter does not. For more information on
the press and public relations of L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of
"In raising your child, you must avoid 'training' him into
(L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 59)
Scientology: both an interesting movement and an effervescent word that
we run into more and more frequently. Most people are relatively
of the degree to which membership can affect an individual's personal
especially with regard to marital relationships.
El Awadalla, a journalist who has had extensive
the theme, and Maria Susanne Klar, an outspoken former member,
important background and technical information in the introduction to
book. In the second section, Ilse Hruby, a nurse, gives a
description of her marital relationship to a Scientologist.
The three authors live and work in Austria. Their experiences
come from their personal attitudes and from events in their own lives.
Because of this, their texts contain both a certain singular linguistic
nature and a high level of authenticity.
The names in the text designated with an asterisk (*) have
changed. An explanation for those terms marked by an arrow (→)
may be found in the glossary at the end of the book.
With an Introduction
Maria Susanne Klar
Original printing - Gütersloh: Gütersloher
(Gütersloher Taschenbücher; 1145)
(c) Gütersloher Verlagshaus, Gütersloh 2000
This work and all its parts are protected by copyright. Any
the confines of the copyright law without permission from the
is illicit and subject to prosecution. That especially applies to
translations, microfilming and the storage or processing in electronic
Permission for this June 2002 CISAR translation, which
original words from English language sources, was obtained in May 2002.
This translation is copyrighted.
(c) Gütersloher Verlagshaus GmbH, Gütersloh
What is Scientology? 7
Religion with a copyright 8
A Science? 13
Problems of auditing 15
A Business Empire? 17
The Organization 22
Who is a member? 25
On the concepts of man and world 27
Values and ethics in the Scientology performance society 30
In the workplace 33
De re publica 35
Why I wrote this book 43
Arranging our acquaintance 45
We married in Scientology 49
Living and working together 52
Scientology training on the weekend 60
The Scientology managed operation 68
Scientology calls for consultations 74
Vacation in America 78
The duties of a wife 81
Back into professional life 86
The friend of my husband 88
I learn about the "Science in Scientology" 96
The financial crisis 104
The beginning of the end 109
The parting stroke 114
What is Scientology? 
"Scientology is the science of knowing how to know. It has
that a man IS his own immortal soul. And it gives us little choice, but
to announce to a world, no matter how it receives it, that nuclear
and religion have joined hands and that we in Scientology perform those
miracles for which Man, through all his search, has hoped. The
may hate God or despise priests. He cannot ignore, however, the
that he is his own soul. Thus we have resolved our riddle and found the
answer simple." (L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology/ A New Slant on Life,
The Church of Scientology of California. 1972.)
The Scientology Church is said to have been founded in the
the American science fiction author, L. Ron Hubbard. The book upon
the fundamentals of Scientology are based, "Dianetics: The Modern
of Mental Health," was written in 1950. This is regarded as Year 1
in Scientology's reckoning of time. Today, the spirit of the American
dream is still alive and well in Scientology. When you consider the
that statistics have for Scientologists, the various vitamins and
proteins that are prescribed for them, and their imagined effects upon
individual members, along with many other major and minor indices --
who read Scientology's literature may well feel as though they have
a trip back through time into the 1950s.
The criticism of Scientology begins with the horrendous fees
Scientologist has to pay if he wants to progress (and he is obliged to
do that); these fees can lead less financially well-off adherents deep
into a mountain of debt. Another, more frequent reason for criticism is
the practice of →auditing, which forms the main focus of practice
and theory in Scientology. Also the fact that Scientology
has progressively established itself in several areas of
p. 17) is viewed by many with increasing concern.
And finally the question comes up ever more frequently of what
upon their later lives will children have who grow up in a
So far, so good, but what, really, is Scientology? Is it to be
as a church and a religion because its efforts have resulted in the
of a recognized religion in several countries? As a "religious
as maintained in one of its many various definitions of self? Is it a
science, as befits the title of its fundamental book? Or perhaps a form
of therapy, corresponding to an image it has projected for years and
focal point is "auditing"? Or an upcoming business empire, about which
an increasing number of critics have warned us in recent times?
We will not and cannot make a decision here; each reader
his or her own conclusion from the indices we present in the following
and from that which Ilse Hruby then will relate for us.
Religion with a copyright
"Scientology," as will be related by one of the main characters in this
book, "is a religion that is struggling in Austria and in various
States"; if civil servants in specific countries warn people about the
practice and/or theory of Scientology, they have to count on being
of disregarding the human right of freedom of religion. The Germany of
today, for instance, has been put under pressure at the diplomatic
and has been equated in full-page newspaper advertisements to
Reich and its persecution of the Jews. Is Scientology therefore
an (as yet young) religion that is (still) refused acknowledgment by
Or are the critics right in saying that, in Scientology's case,
is exploited only as a tapestry, behind which things are happening
if they were to be seen in the light of day, would not at all appear so
hospitable and harmless as the group would like to project upon the
In the general spoken and legal sense, religion is inseparably
to some form of belief in God. Duden, for instance, defines
as "belief in God or divine being and the cult resulting therefrom."
And here is where you run up against the first difficulty,
according to one of its many self-definitions, does not require belief
in anyone." This
true in view of the fact that one may read through Scientology
by the volume without coming across a mention of a belief in a divine
Yes, it even turns out that the existence or non-existence of God has
perceptible influence upon its portrayed thought-structures nor upon
policies of conduct that derive from them. While there is indeed a
book of ceremonies in which can be found "rituals" for marriage or
these nevertheless play only a subordinate role - according to our
- in the daily life of an average Scientologist. These rituals could
not be regarded as ceremonies that correspond to those in other
because they do not result from a Scientologist's belief in God. But
take a quick look at a real example, the wedding ceremony by which
and Ilse were supposed to have been wed in a Scientology manner. In the
"Church of Scientology" book of ceremonies, (which contains 65 out of
thousands and thousands of pages of Scientology literature!),
15 of the pages are dedicated to the wedding ceremony.
these 15 pages, however, are strictly formal aspects of the ceremony,
as the clothing worn by the bride, bridegroom, witnesses and guests,
are laid out in relatively great detail, including a sketch that
portrays the formation of participants. On the other hand, God (or
like a higher being) is not mentioned once. This is most conspicuous in
the key part of the ceremony.
It's obvious that, in general, the elements of this ceremony
taken from others: formalities like costumes and the exchanging of
But where you would have expected elements of a specific Scientology
to exist, there are none. In the wedding ceremony for Scientologists
is also a ceremony for non-Scientologists), there is indeed one (!)
that contains a rather high density of Scientology jargon, but even
it is the more general values and ideas that are conveyed, like the
of communication for a happy and enduring relationship, or the symbolic
power of the ring.
And Scientology does indeed operate as a very peculiar
it is supposedly permitted in conjunction with any other denomination,
meaning that it is compatible with everything and contains no
to other religious beliefs! 
But there are other customs in the "Scientology Church" that
fit so completely into the picture that people have of religion in
Most religions, for instance, are interested in getting their ideas
about as widely as quickly as possible. The need to proselytize seems
us to be an essential criterium for true religiosity.
But how would you evaluate the missionary spirit of a group
to monopolize its work with "registered trademarks" and to link the
of its message with advance business stipulations? Are these things
of a missionary at work, or of a desire for sheer profit? These
toward worldly wealth are not frowned upon, like they are in Buddhism,
with which Scientology so readily compares itself. No, they are even
required by the Founder, "Make money, make more money. Make other
produce so as to make money." (→HCOPL 9 Mar 72)
Therefore it's not at all so much of a surprise that services
"church" (such as the so-called →Purification Rundown )
are boosted in a form of product advertisement that emphasizes
advantages such as allegedly ridding oneself of the ill effects of
and drugs. Even the illustrations in the pamphlets are reminiscent of
offers made by health spas or of associations such as Weight Watchers.
Only in the small(est) print can an indication be found that
Rundown" is the path of salvation used by the "Scientology religion,"
to our thinking, that is pretentious and unbelievable in comparison to
the preceding presentation.
If Scientology were to actually see itself as a religion, then
definitely have this path to salvation printed in large letters at the
beginning of all its publications!
In the spectrum of services offered by this astounding
will find more things that might not fit so well into the picture as
the Purification Program. →Personality tests, for example, can
be found on the inside of almost any illustrated magazine, but in a
of church services? In many places a "Communication Course" may be
in the scope of continuing education, but we would never have regarded
it as a religious practice.
It seems to me as though L. Ron Hubbard's ever-present claim
use of his technology (what kind of word is that in a religious
would have therapeutic effects in the physical or mental sense would
at best, comparable to the services provided in the health industry
p. 17 for more).
While there are indeed constant reports in Christian texts
alleviation of mental or physical suffering, it is clear from them that
these cures are not due to the correct application of any sort of
but due exclusively to the grace of God (a term that we have never
in our perusals of Scientology's literature).
Another self-definition of Scientology is often also used
its self-assessment as religion: that of philosophy. In Greece, where
institutions require specific approval, Scientology correspondingly
as the "Greek Center for Applied Philosophy." If it also claims to be a
religion, the question has to be asked if Scientology can be taken
at least as a philosophy. In that case its writing would have to
theories about the real philosophical topics: questions about the
of things, about the final meaning ... When you look for the writings
to do with these topics, however, the closest you will be able to find
are imaginative tales set in outer space.
While we have not yet even scratched the surface of what
regard, it seems to us it would be more interesting to shed some light
upon yet another one of Scientology's understandings of self, which, in
our opinion, contradicts its perception of self as religion.
Scientology (or "Dianetics," which can be thought of as the source of
proposes another category of self-definitions in the form of a Science.
We cannot conceive, from the way that language is traditionally used,
both science and religion can cohabitate in the same thought
We will take a look at a specific example in this regard. To this type
of self-presentation would belong, for example, the various means of
such as the leaflets that are constantly being left stuck on cars or in
front doors. Einstein's well-known silhouette as an eye-catcher on them
suggests a close connection to physical science. They promise, based on
professional research, an increase in intelligence.
The pamphlets advertising the so-called Purification Rundown
into this category. They say, among other things, "What blocks mental
What keeps you from thinking clearly? ... New studies (emphasis
ours) have shown ...". And when you take a closer look at the product
advertised from the theoretical aspect, you can see, in all its
a pseudo-scientific character at best. It says, for instance, that
radiation is water-soluble and that it, like water, can be removed.
is the reason given in the "Purification Rundown" (according to the →
HCOB) for the lengthy and voluminous amounts of sweat that are
required (it is alleged that this rids a person of the ill effects of
and increases resistance to any future exposure).
Can it be therefore be attested that Scientology has a
a religious, character, both of which it has so often openly expressed
a desire for?
Even if the extraordinary idea is held that these same
simultaneously be both a science and a metascience ,
various fundamental statements in the founder's policy letters
this line of thinking: while science specifically provides for a
questioning and development of previously gained findings, Scientology
expressly dismisses these concepts. →HCOPL 22 Nov 67 
directs that any student or course supervisor who interprets, alters or
says the →Tech is outdated must be put in the →ethics
condition of "enemy" (which is below the condition of "non-existence");
and doubt, the fountain of all research and science, is also regarded a
state subordinate to "non-existence."
In the "Code of a Scientologist," people are required "to
standard and unvaried Scientology as an applied activity in ethics
(→HCOPL 5 Feb 69) This lack of innovation is supported by claims
that can only be interpreted as absolute in nature. It has been
that "Man has never before evolved workable mental technology," that
efforts to find another way have led to nothing, that Scientology is
only functioning system that people have, and that the "whole agonized
future of this planet, every Man, Woman and Child on it, and your own
for the next endless trillions of years depends on what you do here and
now with and in Scientology." (→HCOPLs 7 and 14 Feb 65)
In light of these statements, further consideration as to the
character can probably be better spent on other matters.
Aside from the discussion of scientific character, though, can
procedures derived from these teachings be used sensibly?
Problems of Auditing
Finally, Scientology, in various contexts, constantly makes a
claim that it affects people in a physically and mentally
fashion. Dianetics is apparently supposed to be perceived as the
of a type of alternative medicine ,
and Scientology is supposed to make the entire field of psychiatry
The backbone of this therapeutic claim is auditing, in which
who primarily strive for improvement (called →PCs), are interrogated
in detail for hours in one-on-one sessions (including going back into
lifetimes, if needed). In this way, negative experiences from the
past (→"engrams"), which can have a negative influence on the
individual's determinism, can be located and rendered ineffective by
"living through" through them again.
The →E-meter, an electronic device that is supposed to work
similarly to a lie detector, is very often used for this process.
the session a detailed record is made and filed in the folder of the
together with other written narratives. There are, unfortunately,
indications that these records are not always treated confidentially,
is promised in one of the internal codes of conduct. And very personal
reports (such as questions about a criminal record, phobias or drug
are demanded from the →PC, even before the real →auditing
begins. (→HCOB 24 Jun 1978)
There are also revealing statements by which the technique
appears to be on the fringes of psychoanalysis, can, unfortunately, not
be categorized under "expensive, but harmless."
The auditor, whose training is not comparable to that of any
therapist, offers neither
support as to the interpretation of problems, nor sympathy to
seeking help; those are not part of the job. To the contrary,
of any breakdown or crisis the →PC is living through, the auditor
is supposed to following the prescribed procedure until a precisely
end goal has been reached. 
(The ability to do this and other things is cultivated in several of
"Communication course" exercises. )
In our opinion, these rigid instructions, combined with the
imperfect training (which does not include the basics of either therapy
or medicine) for the auditor, present a special factor of risk.
The →auditing procedure limits itself to the technique of pure
abreaction, and does not consider either the relational aspect of the
of therapy (the relation between therapist and client), nor the
that problems could solidify or even be created by the procedure.
It can be clearly seen from the theory of auditing that the
of attention is past negative experiences. From there, troubling
are "re-lived" over and over for hours with the client in an extremely
suggestive situation. Life before Scientology very rapidly appears to
void and replete with disappointment and unhappiness. That means that
- through the auditing of negative "incidents" - can bring about a
decrease in self-worth prior to Scientology that would later make a
into "normal" life more difficult.
There is a special problem in this connection with any
that is used when one or more member's of a Scientologist's family are
critical of Scientology. There is also auditing for children; there
be a detailed study made of this upon their development,
especially in regards to what further difficulty the next
might be exposed to if one of their parents (or grandparents) have a
view of Scientology.
On a completely different level are the problems that could
the way many Scientologists consume enormous amounts of vitamins. The
of these preparations is advocated not only at the unofficial level,
also as part of specific procedures, including the so-called
If physical problems should appear under these circumstances,
to the doctor - as would really be anticipated - is not in order, but
person afflicted is encouraged to increase the treatment dosage. 
There would still be much room for doubt as to whether it was
for Scientology to make scientific claims, even if the services it
were effective, or at least not harmful.
A Business Empire?
No other group has connections to money as strong as Scientology's.
famous/notorious line, "Make money, make more money. Make other people
produce so as to make money." is not just a passing expression, but is
regarded as dogma. Centered around money are a number of patent
Just as Hubbard has been presented as a genius in many other fields, so
also is he held to be a business expert who had an excellent command of
the technology (→tech, for short) to manage a company and deliver
services to his believers. According to the tech, the Scientology
is organized in the ideal way
The ideal way requires a license issued by WISE (World
Scientology Enterprises), the attainment of which is a costly affair.
9 and 15 percent of gross sales" is the price of such a license,
to former Scientologist Tom Voltz (Scientology und (k)ein Ende,
1995; p. 120). The monies flow from WISE in the direction of
These license fees can eat into the firm's capital, to the point of
At the same time these transactions mean that the entire customer base
contributes to Scientology's income.
The fact that licensees and WISE members who do not toe the
be expelled from Scientology demonstrates the fusion of WISE with the
Conversely, the order for an expulsion from WISE could also come from
"The power of the Sea Organization, the elite division of the
Church, extends very far. They can see to it, for example, that
of companies having a license with WISE are required to hand over their
company to others and to distance themselves from their own way of
as inferior and not worthy of being disseminated." At least that is
Tom Voltz (p. 134) wrote, who was active in WISE before his departure
WISE's target fields include the following: real estate,
software, personnel and management consulting, advertisement, media and
the entertainment industry. But social establishments are also
to Scientologists. In Germany, more than 150 Scientology companies and
about 50 cover organizations and their environments have been
so far. In Austria, where the following story is set, the situation is
no different. Here there exist a good number of relatively small
that operate according to the Scientology concept.
It is no coincidence that the Austrian establishment of WISE
found at the same address in Vienna as that of the Business Success
company, which also appears as an →FSM (Field Staff Member). This
company provides management seminars and consultation, has recently
a daughter company in Munich, and is highly active in the dissemination
of Scientology ideology in the former Eastern Bloc.
Business Success is managed by two WISE Charter Committee
Peissl and Franz Wagner. The two have created a very successful
model together. The primary service they offer is, according to their
literature, a "wild, uncomplicated sales seminar." It is based on "The
Perfect Dissemination Program," a Hubbard scripture, and purports to
the best possible salespeople.
The WISE Charter Committee has its own jurisdiction; its
extends far beyond that of the usual association arbitration
The detailed charter contains mostly points as to dispute arbitration,
but also provides for the option of tapping the personal fortune of its
members. This corresponds to the reality of the situation, too, in that
WISE Charter Committee staff engage themselves as liaison between
members into the late hours of the night.
In Scientology managed operations, statistics enjoy nothing
cultic veneration. Week after week the statistics of success must be
that show everything in the most minute detail, down to the number of
sent out. The worst thing that can happen is a drop in statistics. If
week, for instance, fewer letters were written as the week prior - for
whatever reason - then steps must be taken to counter this condition.
In the Scientology logic of how money should be "made,"
systems enjoy preference.
The top systems in this category are the franchise system and
distribution, or multi-level marketing (MLM).
In the German-speaking market there are currently between 500
franchise systems. About half of these are organized into associations
that make an attempt to separate the professional from the
franchisers. This is because there are a large number of franchise
that offer extremely obscure goods or services. Franchising exists in
different industries, from restaurant chains to the building market and
from music schools to construction operations. An EU regulation
exactly what a franchise association is. Much of what is transacted
this name does not come under this description, but is more of a broker
agreement or an agent contract.
In →franchising, partners who are legally and financially
work very closely together in various stages of business, and present
under a common, recognized symbol. The party that accepts the franchise
operates in his own name, is responsible for keeping his own books, and
basically concentrates on sales and on management of the operation. The
party that offers the franchise provides common advertising, monitors
sales of its partners' operations, and decides what is necessary for
identity, recognition and functionality of the system.
Most franchise providers require an initial fee for training,
rights and know-how, and an ongoing fee for advertisement and other
which, as a rule, runs several percent of monthly sales.
In franchising, Scientologists look very favorably upon the
of training as a component of the franchise performance package. This
a factor even in the selection of franchisers, and goes from initial
and continuation courses up to expert training and special education.
franchising, training is a constant requirement for both franchisers
It has to be a permanent thing to guarantee the standard
by all franchisers. The idea of continual training is nothing new for
they are as good as always "on course" to improve themselves. More than
that, recruitment of new members is second nature for a Scientologist,
and franchising can provide opportunities for that activity.
MLM sets itself apart from other systems in that goods and
are sold at the seller's own risk, i.e., independently. At the same
new "customer consultants" are constantly being recruited, as their
are shared by the recruiter. Namely, the new recruits have to give a
of their sales to their recruiters, who then have to give a commission
to their recruiters, similar to the illicit pyramid schemes. The
between the two is the presence of a "product" up front. There were an
extraordinary number of Scientologists in the European King's Club, a
scheme, and most of them held high level positions in corporations. It
should have been clear to these people, among which were business
that dividends of over 70 percent in several months was not an
Of course, the company headquarters also receives money for
expenses" or for the "product." As a result, the entire pie is not left
to the hopeful investors to split among themselves. The number of
increases layer upon layer until no more can be found and the system
It can be safely said the the initiators, and perhaps some of the first
recruiters, have made a profit. All the others walk away empty-handed.
With some MLMs, such as "Die Chance zum Erfolg" ("The chance
the products are entirely coincidental. Those who come across "Die
zum Erfolg" and who order its informational material receive for about
33 euros a couple of photocopied pages, a glossy brochure, and audio
video cassettes from which nothing can be learned about the product. It
does become clear, however, that the sale of informational material
in the greater profit.
Scientology's organization is built across many levels in a strong
Ascension in the ranks is possible in two ways: through the course
and through high contributions declared as donations.
Another ranking system can be made out in the positions that
hold in the →Org, whereby the Orgs themselves may exist on various
levels - extremely confusing to outsiders. In addition are the
Centers" and "missions," not all of which have the same ranking.
the words "high-ranking Scientologist" can mean different things.
There are a good many departments in the Orgs, above which
a rule, the Office for Special Affairs (OSA), Scientology's
service. The press spokespeople are also usually OSA officers. The
for military ranks and uniforms, strongly reminiscent of the Navy, are
probably a product of Hubbard's (partially fabricated) biography.
OSA there are departments for public relations, for courses, for
etc. All Orgs are structured according to the same schematic.
Some of the staff members, as they are called, have very
titles, from registrar and recruiter to course supervisor. Often these
people are only members with a minimum of training and experience, as
been revealed by former members.
The confusing use of words in the function of the Vienna →Org,
for example, is very obvious.
Besides the real "Scientology Church" there are a great number
for each area of social life: Criminon for resocializing criminals,
for the fight against drugs, ABLE for education, WISE for business,
or KVPM as a "martial instrument" against psychiatry and many more.
are all, however, dedicated primarily to the recruitment of members for
The courses offered range from the simple, cheap and
as the well-known Communication Course, affordable to anyone,
up to expensive specialist courses in East Grinstead, England
the European headquarters, and the even more expensive courses in
in Clearwater, Florida, or on the legendary Scientology ship. Former
have reported they spent a thousand dollars a day for some of these
One who joins Scientology is called a "pre-clear." As such,
goal is to become →clear, which means to become recognized for
the first time as a person who is generally aware. After that come the
OT steps. →OT stand for Operating Thetan (corresponding to the
belief that Thetans are disembodied spiritual soul beings). OTs, in
are categorized into various steps, from OT1 to OT10. The highest step
that has been reached to date, however, is OT8. This hierarchy shows
to that of the O.T.O. (Ordo Templi Orientis) of Satanist Aleister
in which it is documented that Hubbard was active. An OT is alleged to
be able to do the most unbelievable things, such as "freezing" time,
telepathically influencing other people, changing the weather and space
travel, as Hubbard alleged he did himself. However, not a one of these
abilities may be demonstrated, as they are secret. Also the "knowledge"
that is imparted in the extremely expensive OT courses is kept a secret
from the OTs ascending from the lower steps, although it is widely
on the Internet. Nevertheless Scientologists are strongly encouraged to
believe that they could fall into the deepest desperation should they
follow the proper course sequence. Approximately parallel to this
of steps are the auditors, for whom a special course system exists.
is a nebulous connection between the ranks of auditor and those of
There is another hierarchy for "War Chest" donors. The first
Patron, one who has donated at least 40,000 dollars to the
Association of Scientologists (IAS).
The next step of honor, Senior, costs 100,000 dollars, and the
Meritorious can be had for 250,000 dollars. In the 1994 issue of
the IAS magazine, 221 patrons from Germany, 31 from Austria and 153
Switzerland were listed by name. The IAS used the money from the War
on, for example, publications for the CCHR (Citizens Commission on
Rights), also called the KVPM (Kommission für Verstöße
der Psychiatrie gegen Menschenrechte.)
The omnipresent report system yields extensive information
person in the general vicinity of Scientology. In the ideal situation,
these reports (ethics reports, knowledge reports, Overt/Withhold
etc.) are continually being forwarded to the next highest authority.
Who is a member?
Scientology's membership is not measured according to the usual
Incumbent members are those in the IAS. Usually they have had the
courses that are provided cheaper for members. Now as to whether
is also a member of a local association, as they exist in many states,
or of the local →Org, that is of secondary importance.
For those not well-acquainted with this system, strange
arise as a result of it. Various political parties in Germany and
for instance, have adapted measures into their statutes that declare
in their party incompatible with membership in Scientology. But what
of Scientology membership do they mean?
Again and again it happens that people get testimony to say
not members. This can be done in good conscience by the local Org
apart from the Scientology concept that non-Scientologists may be lied
to at any time)
and that includes verification that IAS members are not in
It is in this setting that the many diverse statements of
Scientology members occur. It goes up or down according to need. You
draw upon various types of membership, and for this reason Germany's
figures can vary widely. One time only an →Org is meant, the next
time a region; one time one type of membership, the next time another
Austria may be taken at a glance for an example of how the numbers can
be juggled. In 1994, Scientology gave its membership here as about
members, with an alleged worldwide figure of about eight million. If
is to believe Scientology, the membership vacillated even more; figures
in excess of 30,000 were also mentioned. These numbers seem to have
greatly exaggerated, which appears to be confirmed by the IAS magazine
that stated it had only a little over 100,000 members worldwide. In the
meantime, press spokesman Böck has repeatedly maintained that
are 2,000 members in Austria, the smaller number apparently more
in an era in which Scientology has been regarded as dangerous. The
of adherents worldwide may not be, in fact, more than 100,000, as long
as those who have only ever taken one course and former members are not
counted. It can also be said that a membership lasts a billion years
that requests to leave are not accepted. That means that whoever has
even one course in Scientology will, for all time, exist as a card in
membership files. Evidence of this is given in the fact that people who
told Scientology they left twenty years ago are still receiving its
mailings. The only exceptions to this are those who have been
On the concepts of
Looking at the theory behind so-called →engrams et al., it is
not difficult to determine that the base root of the concepts of man
world propagated by Scientology lies in the early days of the last
Hubbard found simple explanations for complex phenomena 
using a one-dimensional cause/effect model. For instance, he explained
that the primary reason for irrational conduct, or for other human
he thought were wrong, was a simple stimulus-response sequence (Hubbard
used that phrase rather often) of a Pavlovian nature. Pavlov's dog
to salivate when a bell was rung because a prior association between
and bell-ringing had been made. With Hubbard, a soft clink (such as
made by a surgical instrument) could bring on a pain in the chest,
a prior association had been made between the two on the operating
described this mechanism as a "wrong computation." The fact that
and psychic disorders may have their causes 
in "conventional" roots, such as inheritance, is not taken into
Hubbard's jargon is derived from technical language, including
of computers. With regard to psychic disorders he refers to "charge,"
circuits," "locked in," and "keyed out." And like a technician uses a
to seek out defects in conductivity or resistance, the "auditor" uses
→e-meter to track down the →engrams that prevent people
from functioning "correctly." With this device, according to the
the mental state and changes in an individual's state can be measured
Scientology's image of humanity is demonstrated quite clearly
definition of "Wog" (one of the terms for non-Scientologists), which is
defined as a "common, ... mass-produced humanoid." (DSTD p. 112)
idea of an ideal person is one who acts fairly predictably (due to
logic), who has access to his entire "data bank" at any time, has
recall, and who is never sick nor can make mistakes (see Dianetics p.
The entirety of the so-called →Tech serves to bring people
as close to this goal as possible.
As early as the Communication Course, the student is trained
no emotion. The whole purpose of one exercise is to is to observe
the trainer says or does with complete passivity, (and this does not
just external appearances!) As well as this training might initially
the rigors of daily life for some, the impact upon one's life of
this exercise on a routine basis can not be easily fathomed.
do these drill over and over, sometimes several times a day.)
And a special type of →auditing that is usually used in the
very beginning concerns a drill that can last for hours, in which the
being audited performs actions, without hesitation, on instruction from
the auditor, e.g., "Give me you hand!" Here people react as robots with
push-button precision. For things that cannot be measured or
according to public perception, Scientology uses scales of a carefully
delineated hierarchies. They include the →emotional tone scale,
as well as the above mentioned Scientology →ethics system, which
employs pre-determined "formulas" (that's really what they are called)
whereby a person may proceed from one ethics condition to the next
The world in which Scientologists live is apparently more like
jungle than it is any civilization in which we think we live:
"It's a tough universe. ... But only the tigers survive - and
have a hard time." (→HCOPL 7 February 1965) What good luck that
Hubbard left a thick book for his adherents on the "Science of
It is indeed no surprise that our world is so hard and
as Hubbard has explained in texts including the →OT3 step to awareness
(normally attained only have a rather long time in Scientology), human
life on our planet goes back to an unimaginable atrocity that occurred
millions of years ago. Xenu, overlord of a planetary federation, did it
to control overpopulation. To this end he enlisted psychiatrists to
billions of citizens and bring them to Earth. At 76 different sites,
billion of these deep-frozen people were deposited in volcanoes where
were then killed with hydrogen bombs. Their confused souls (called
in Scientology), thus released, were caught in electronic traps and
with misleading information to "short-circuit" them. All of which we
still suffering from today! This story makes it clear why it is
in the Creed: "We of the Church believe that Man is basically good;
he is seeking to survive" and "that all men have inalienable rights to
their own defense."
And what is the most effective defense? "The only way to
is to ATTACK, and if you ever forget that then you will lose every
you are ever in engaged in..". (The Scientologist: A Manual on the
of Material, circa mid-March, 1955, L. Ron Hubbard)
Seen this way, the value system described in the following is
and ethics in the Scientology performance society
For some, it may not at first be obvious because of the similarities we
are all too familiar with from our day-to-day environment. One of the
characteristics of Scientology is the principle of performance, but
out to the absurd. Scientologists must use statistics to document their
ever increasing performance. In this respect, when one day's statistics
are the same as the day prior, this is regarded as a "down statistic."
The goal is to constantly increase their statistics. The fact that this
is sometime impossible for purely rational reasons, however, seems to
clear to only a few Scientologists. Included in this is that only a
increase counts; a qualitative increase is not allowed for.
How important it is for Scientologists to meet this
ever rising statistics is shown by another fact, that is, the curve of
the graph serves as an indicator for the Scientologist's so-called
condition (as does also the business, institution or division).
The terminology alone gives one an inkling that, in
does not mean the same thing it does in everyday speech. In
ethics means "reason and the contemplation of optimum survival." (DSTD,
p. 29) In the Scientology sense it is ethical to eliminate anything
targets Scientology or anything that oriented to something other than
teachings of Hubbard. 
Naturally, then, "The criminal abhors daylight. And we are the
Now get this as a technical fact, not a hopeful idea." (→HCOPL
5 November 1967) Seen this way, the much cited recommendations for how
to deal with critics and "enemies" are probably also categorized as
in the Scientology sense, even when their injury or deaths are
How this is to be legally evaluated still has to be explained.
Some people are automatic "enemies" by sole reason of their
And the guiltiest of them all are the psychiatrists. Keeping in mind
that's been described so far, you probably don't even have to look at
biography to explain this. In any case, the psychiatrist as the image
an enemy is "tenderly" nurtured and cultivated again and again
But if one day a person can no longer live up to his assigned
then there is no longer a place for him in the Scientology "world
war, mental illness ...". 
Scientology clearly has no intention of burdening itself with people
are on the last leg of their ability to perform. Those who produce too
little are said to have caused their own undoing 
through misconduct, even to the point of having basic human rights
"We would rather have you dead than incapable." (→HCOPL 7 February
Scientology apparently does not want anything to do with
by virtue of their age, health, or other reasons over which they have
control, live on the fringes of society. Hubbard wrote that the welfare
state could be defined as a state in which non-production is rewarded
the cost of production (→HCOPL 6 March 1966). And explanations
such as the following are not uncommon:
If the average citizen takes into account what he pays the
he will find that his visit to the doctor is very expensive. The only
who has a use for this is the chronically ill person whose condition is
paid for by the healthy. He is rewarded with care that is paid for by
the healthy. (→HCOPL 6 March 1966) 
According to L. Ron Hubbard, even Holocaust victims are
blame, entirely in the classical sense, when he wrote that, in the
stages of his life, he "found out that only those who sought only peace
were ever butchered. The thousands of years of Jewish passivity earned
them nothing but slaughter". (HCOPL 7 Dec 1969 )
So money and power, along with performance and ability, are
important to Scientologists, or at least are supposed to be important.
By using the many scales and other things in Scientology, it is easy to
recognize what is looked down upon:
Sacrifice (-6.0 on the →emotional tone scale, ranges from -40
to +40), protecting bodies (-2.2 of the above), making amends (0.375),
sympathy (0.9), fear (1.0), pain (1.8). In any case, Hubbard makes it
how to deal with people who are afraid, are sympathetic, or are
to make sacrifices:
"There are only two answers for the handling of people from
on the tone scale, neither of which has anything to do with reasoning
them or listening to their justification of their acts. [...] The other
is to dispose of them quietly and without sorrow. Adders are safe
compared to people on the lower bands of the tone scale. (L. Ron
The Science of Survival, part 1, p. 157)
Between that and the sentence from the Code of Honor, "Never
hurt another in a just cause," it's enough to make a person's flesh
In the workplace
Work is an essential element for the active member. There is always
to do in an →Org; the hours are long and work leads to success.
Not all work promises success, however, only that organized in the
Work also poses a special importance in the work place for
the most basic of which is control over one and all. In Scientology,
is to be understood in the literal sense, as used by a totalitarian
Hubbard dedicated an entire book to work: "The Problems of Work" (Los
1975). Scientology, according to Hubbard, assists "the worker and the
in helping Man to be more competent and more able, less tired and more
secure in the work-a-day world." (The Problems of Work, Introduction)
Scientology is particularly proud of having been able to
large corporations with the help of its management consultation. For
they have their own company, called "U-Man International." Much more
known are the Scientology management consulting businesses, such as the
"Business Success" company, which has expanded from Austria into
Among many other seminars, they offer "The unbelievable sales seminar."
The course texts used by Business Success contain the line "Copyright
L. Ron Hubbard."
The business consulting is strongly patterned after Hubbard's
and is regarded by serious business consultants as completely outdated
and rooted in the thinking that was prevalent immediately after WWII.
orientation towards almost purely quantitative statistics, for
is looked upon as meaningless. The statistics have to be produced
to a rigidly predetermined scheme, not even a deviation in format is
According to Hubbard, the flow of work is stereotypical and
On the left side of every desk are three baskets: incoming,
and in process. As exists in all other areas, there is also a carefully
scrutinized internal report system.
In 1994 Business Success presented itself, using the usual
in the "Europa News," a monthly magazine for WISE members, as follows:
"Business Success in Vienna, Austria, is a consulting group, which
in the dissemination of LRH management technology through sales
management basics seminars and communications seminars. In recent
the group has become one of the fastest expanding consulting groups in
Europe. The group consists of 43 staff members and 12 branches all
Europe. The firm is directed by Gerard Peissl and Franz Wagner, two
Charter Committee members. The two of them have created a very
operations model together. The main service they provide is a wild,
sales seminar. In fact, this seminar has become so well-known that it
become one of their trademarks. The entire thing is founded on LRH's
Perfect Dissemination Program." They have turned into vendors, and
mouth-to-mouth communication on their communication lines, they have
a gigantic demand for this seminar." 
Like Scientology, Business Success also arranges its courses
they get progressively more expensive and promise more and more
One of the topics in the sales seminar is how to handle staff you don't
like. Seminar participants learn how to deliberately give people more
than they can do, how to isolate information from them, and how to make
the operation repugnant to them. 
One of the most piquant things is that this seminar from
has been subsidized with taxpayer money. A third of the seminar fees
to be paid by the participants, another third came from the Austrian
market service, and the final third from project "Ziel 4" of the
Union's welfare fund. 
Such an arrangement would, in all probability, be impossible in
as the German public awareness of Scientology is far more critically
There are actually people who are convinced they have improved
sales through the seminar, and who enthusiastically convey the
understanding of "ethics" in sales.
De re publica
"Perhaps at some distant date only the unaberrated person will be
civil rights before law. Perhaps the goal will be reached at some
time when only the unaberrated person can attain to and benefit from
These are desirable goals ..." (Dianetics, p. 493) "Someday there will,
perhaps, exist a much more sentient law that only the unaberrated can
and bear children." (ibid, p. 376)
What sort of state wants to establish a new type of caste
we guess what any Scientology state that strove for these "desirable
would look like?
One thing can be said with a certain degree of probability: it
not be a democracy as we know it or as it presently operates in the
world. That is because a democracy, to Hubbard, is not a right worthy
protection, but a constant annoyance.
"A totally democratic organization has a bad name in Dianetics
..." (→HCOPL 2 Nov 1970) After all, Hubbard did not "see that
popular measures, self-abnegation and democracy have done anything for
Man but push him further into the mud. ... and democracy has given us
and income tax." (→HCOPL 7 Feb 1965) "Democracies hate brains
and skill. Don't get in that rut. (→HCOPL 2 Nov 1970)
So democracy does not enjoy a particularly good name in
It is very likely that resources will have to be used against this
that we had hoped could have stayed buried in deep storage. The
of the "Scientology Church" gives us a clue: namely, they maintain a
reporting system there. The first experiences the newcomer has with
are thoroughly positive (even if the intensity is possibly alien). But
from the first course onward, people are continually encouraged (or
to write everything up, what you find new and exciting, what has been
or learned. These reports are collected in the file of the respective
Just as are those reports that are written on him when he is suspected
of not following policy. Every Scientologist is required in every
to submit a written report when he comes across something that is not
way it should be. These then set off the sequence of actions required
these policies (see International Scientology News 11/1999).
Neither can there be any doubt that Scientology also has
"And in the Central Organization - just looking a bit further
than that - there'll be a political officer. You want to know what
when you clear everybody in that neighbourhood, the only thing that
can become used for is a political center. Because by the time you've
all this, you are the government ..." is what Hubbard said in a lecture
on 9 January 1962, Future Org Trends, (cited from "Scientology or
by Tom Voltz.)
"The reason a democracy or any wide open group caves in lies
extending its privileges of membership to those who seek to destroy
(→HCOPL 17 Mar 1965)
Is it far-fetched to read from these statements that
presuming the right of every citizen and every group that are (still)
our society to destroy this society? In lieu of the fact that
view a discussion about their convictions to be an encroachment upon
right of freedom of religion (see the attempt to discredit Germany for
discrimination against a religious minority), the fact that they
revocation of rights for those who practice sympathy (see p. 32) paints
a peculiar picture.
It practically goes without saying that Scientologists appear
feel any obligation towards the communities in which they presently
Hubbard wrote that "Scientology is for a free people and is itself on
date declared free of any political connection or allegiance of any
whatever." (→HCOPL 10 Jan 1968)
The Scientology state, therefore, would hardly be a democratic
we know it; it would not provide for a social net for those who cannot
take care of themselves. If Scientology "remains true to its own goals"
then it would likely also disregard basic human rights.
"The SO [Scientology organization] writings give an indication
lack of rights projected for persons who deviate from the Scientology
of humanity and society. It can remain open as to whether →aberrated
people, "criminals" or both categories of people are meant by this. To
the degree that "aberrated" people have their rights revoked per the
texts, the goals stated are incompatible with Art. 1, sect. 1 and Art.
3 sect. 1 of Basic Law. According to this image of humanity and
individuals will be deprived of their human rights and dignity. In a
state or social system, a self-determined lifestyle would therefore no
longer be possible; democratic rights of freedom would no longer be
according to a brochure from that Bavarian Ministry of the Interior
- eine verfassungsfeindliche Bestrebung" ).
Probably the entire legal system would experience an grievous
because Scientology believes that honest people have rights and that
people, by virtue of their dishonesty, have given up their rights (see
HCOPL 15 Oct 1985 et al.) Outside of the basic ones, these rights are
important, even if a determination has not been made about a person's
And even the criminals are different. In Scientology, "crimes"
"inciting to insubordination," "refusal to accept penalties" from
and "holding Scientology materials or policies up to ridicule, contempt
or scorn." "High crimes" include: "publicly departing Scientology" and
"testifying hostilely before state or public inquiries into
(see Introduction to Scientology Ethics).
Deeds which we regard as felonies are obviously not so bad for
"In short a staff member can get away with murder as long as his
is up." (àHCOPl 25.5.1982)
Under these circumstances, having the Scientology justice
to society almost sounds like a threat. 
The degree to which Scientologists are held to the existing
can be clearly seen from the following: "Don't react to Scientology
as though it were wog law. ... Wog courts are like throwing dice."
27 March 1965)
That justice system is supported by the incessant "security
Over and over Scientologists must not only affirm on the →e-meter
that they are neither secret agents nor journalists, they must also
information about those who they meet.
There is even one of these security checks for children which
"What has someone told you not to tell?" and "Have you ever done
to your body that you shouldn't have?"
There is much more to tell, but we will leave the Utopia of a
state for now. What's happening here today is interesting enough!
of one of the
Organization's introductory books.
"It [Scientology] is a
religion for all denominations, and doesn't require faith in anybody
they have experienced something to have faith about." (Technical
Vol. 2, p. 266: PAB 16 September 1955)
There is not room here
document that, all initial assertions to the contrary, Scientology's
are not at all compatible with Christian values, but those who read the
book will have a well-founded opinion.
is a tightly supervised regimen of exercise, sauna, nutrition [...
in the elimination of drug residues and other toxins from the body's
"Dianetics is a
such, it has no opinion about religion, [emphasis by author]
sciences are based on natural laws, not on opinions." (Technical
Volume 1, p. 38)
[from the German]
L. Ron Hubbard has not only proved in his research that Einstein was
in his statement (We use only 10% of our mental potential), but, much
important, he showed in his book, 'Dianetics: The Modern Science of
Health' how one can access the slumbering 90%. ... See for yourself how
the application of DIANETICS technology (!) can raise intelligence."
"Scientology is that
of psychology which treats human ability." (Technical Bulletins, Vol.
p. 405: PAB of 1 May 1956) "Scientology is the science of knowing how
know. Scientology is the science of knowing sciences." (Scientology
Also see "Keeping
Working" (→HCOPL 7 Feb 1965) and "Safeguarding Technology" (→HCOPL
14 Feb 1965)
the world of
there are a whole series of scales and graduated steps, one set of
are the so-called "ethics conditions," which range from "confusion" to
"power." See p. 32 for a few details.
body. Thus Dianetics is used to knock out and erase illnesses, unwanted
sensations, misemotion, somatics, pain, etc." ([from the German]
and Scientology Technical Dictionary)
"What? That means
cracked insanity itself? That's right. And it's given us the key to the
Suppressive Person and his or her effect on the environment. This is
multitude of "types" of insanity of the 19th century psychiatrist. All
in one. Schizophrenia, paranoia, fancy names galore. Only one other
exists -- the person the Suppressive Person got "at". This is the
..." (→HCOPL 5 April 1965)
Auditor's Code: "Do
sympathize with the preclear." I promise to run every major case action
to a floating needle. (a certain e-meter read)
The most common
course in which the "confidence" is taught by which a question can be
and answered to everyone's apparent satisfaction even though one was
in a position to answer it. (L. Ron Hubbard, The Success through
Course, Copenhagen 1988, p. 56)
The dose of
to be gradually increased over the length of the course to these
dosages: vitamin A up to 50,000 IUs, D to 2,000 IU, vitamin C 5 - 6g,
E to 2,400 IU, vitamin B1 800-1,300 mg, niacin 3,500 - 5,000 mg. (→HCOB
14 Feb 1980, p. 4) Comparing the recommended daily dose of vitamins for
adults (taken from Pschyrembel clinical dictionary), de Gruyter
page: 1,643): vitamin A 5,000-8,000 IU, D 00.1, E 30, B1 1.5, B2 1.6-2,
NIACIN 18-20, c 40-60.
"So, if a person
on skin cancer with this and if that should happen if niacin is
the skin cancer has run out completely. Other things that may turn on
hives, flu-symptoms, gastroenteritis, aching bones, upset stomach or a
fearful or terrified condition. There seems to be no limit to the
of phenomena that may occur with niacin. ... The two vital and proven
here are: When the niacin was carried on until these things discharged
they did run out, as they will do ... it is a matter of record that
turns on will turn it off where niacin is concerned." It continues to
that the important thing is that the rest of the vitamins are
increased so that no deficiency symptoms arise. (→HCOB 6 Feb 1978,
rev. 24 Apr 1983, re-issued 31 July 1985, p. 14)
Another example for
"The only reason a person gives up study or becomes confused or unable
to learn is that he or she has gone past a word or phrase that was not
understood." (Dianetics p. 6) "It's not a misunderstood phrase or idea
or concept, but a misunderstood WORD" (Basic Study Manual, p. 153,
as in the original.)
see Dianetics p. 92
DSTD: Dianetics and
Technical Dictionary [German edition]
The purpose of
to remove counter-intentions from the environment and having
that, the purpose becomes to remove other-intentionness from the
Counter-intention: decision to follow a goal that is contrary to the
goals. Other-intention: state of mind in which one wants to following
than group goals. (→HCOPL 18 June 1968)
to the enemies of the group ..."This could mean "the dull thud of one
his enemies in the dark, or the glorious blaze of the whole enemy camp
as a birthday surprise." (→HCOPL 6 Oct 1967) A person who has
been assigned the ethics condition of "enemy" is fair game. Fair Game
someone who "may be deprived of property or injured by any means by any
Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be
sued or lied to or destroyed." (→18 Oct 1967)
"If attacked on some vulnerable point by anyone or anything or any
organization, always find or manufacture enough threat against them to
cause them to sue for peace. Peace is bought with an exchange of
so make the advantage and then settle. Don't ever defend. Always
Don't ever do nothing. Unexpected attacks in the rear of the enemy's
ranks work best." (HCOPL 15 Aug 1960, "Department of Governmental
"So don't even
someone with a steadily down statistic as part of the team." (→HCOPL
6 March 1966) Along these lines, →HCOPL 7 Dec 69 also says that
there is no acceptable reason for excusing lower statistics as an
to producing higher statistics.
→HCOPL 30 July
70 says that a person with poor or lower statistics on post always has
an overt (misdemeanor or crime) of one kind or another.
here to the American welfare system which is organized according to the
insurance principle, but still!
Europa News. The
magazine for WISE members (15 Nov 94)
Falter 44 (1997)
Code of Honor of a
des Innern pamphlet entitled:
- eine verfassungsfeindliche Bestrebung"
2.3.4 Bewertung der Aussagen zur Einführung eines
Die Schriften der SO deuten auf eine von ihr angestrebte
von Personen, die vom scientologischen Menschen- und Gesellschaftsbild
abweichen. Es kann dahinstehen, ob damit „Straftäter",
oder beide Personengruppen gemeint sind. In der Absolutheit, mit der
„Aberrierten" in den zitierten Textstellen ihre Rechte abgesprochen
sind die formulierten Ziele mit Art. 1 Abs.1 und Art. 3 Abs.1 GG
Nach diesem Menschen- und Gesellschaftsbild werden dem einzelnen seine
Menschenwürde und seine Menschenrechte genommen. In einer
Staats- und Gesellschaftsordnung wäre daher kein selbstbestimmtes
Leben mehr möglich; die demokratischen Freiheitsrechte hätten
keine Geltung mehr.
In →HCOPL 25 May
1982 Hubbard wrote that once Scientology had a first-class legal code
justice system that gives people true justice, Scientology would
inundate society and everybody would win. He also wrote that where
failed to apply its own management, technology and legal systems upon
(not to mention Scientology), then it would fail.
My Marriage with a
Why I wrote this book
There were many reasons to write this book, and yet there was really
one: Scientology. The experiences of my almost four years of marriage,
living together with a Scientologist, the effect of Scientology on my
knowledge of the machinations surrounding the totalitarian ideology,
with the absolute struggle for power of this undemocratic association
likes to portray itself as a church, have moved me to walk a difficult
and uneasy path, the path of the public eye.
This is my report on my personal experiences with Scientology;
is the report about all the heartbreak Scientology caused me.
On Monday, April 12, 1999, I did not get divorced from my
got divorced from the Scientology cult. The marriage of Ilse and Pascal*
had been destroyed by Scientology and its henchmen.
I married out of love, and I had the dream of a happy
ready to fight for this dream. I didn't know back then and I was not
by far to admit that I had the nightmare of Scientology as an
opponent. Trusting in the power of love and confident of the strength
my own will, I began a battle of unknown dimension that I was to carry
on for almost four years, the outcome of which was doomed to failure
the start. Today I have the depressing knowledge that a solitary person
is not in the position to win the fight against Scientology with its
rules of play. Hubbard wrote that humans, as spiritual beings, love
Scientology determines in advance who the winners and losers of such
are to be.
"Life can best be understood by likening it to a game.
exterior to a great number of games, we can regard them with a detached
eye. [...] Despite the amount of suffering, pain, misery, sorrow and
which can exist in life, the reason for existence is the same reason as
one has to play a game -- interest, contest, activity and possession.
truth of this assertion is established by an observation of the
of games and then applying these elements to life itself." (L. Ron
Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 37)
It is time for people to stand up in multitude and either
or provide the courage and strength to support those who do.
Is the future of our progeny to be that only conformists have
Should we allow ruthless measures to be taken against those who do not
think in the fashion prescribed by Scientology? Should the next
be made "happy" with indoctrination? Should all values that are
to people today, like freedom, democracy, trust, love, friends and
be put out of commission? Should our children and our children's
have to look in a dictionary when they are searching for the meaning of
these words because nobody can explain it for them? Should a generation
of remote-controlled ignoramuses govern this world? Should we allow our
lives and the lives of those who will come after us to be controlled by
undemocratic organizations, to be monitored down to even the most
One of our options is to clearly say "no." Perhaps we can show
responsibility for our children than we had imagined we could. It takes
more than just putting on a concerned face.
Arranging our acquaintance
Our relationship began at a time when I thought I'd never have a man at
my side again, much less be married.
It was the summer of 1995 -- I had just finished up a
of employment, topping off 16 years of my career as an operating room
I was looking for something new and meaningful and that paid
A fellow professional recommended Sigrid S. and told me she had a kind
of nurses agency. 
be able to look around and see what they had that would interest me
the four walls of an operating room. I contacted them right away, and
having met the secretary and after a few calls with Mrs. S. herself,
which we found out that we knew each other from fifteen years before on
the job, I got a position in the nurses agency office in scheduling. I
made duty rosters for hospitals who had too few house staff and had to
fill slots with agency personnel.
Mrs. S., Siggy to me, introduced me to her neighbor and best
Margit M. The families worked and lived in the same building. Siggy's
agency was accommodated in a large area of a wonderful historical
together with Hannes M's graphic arts studio. A smaller space was
as an apartment to a couple who, day in and day out, weren't there,
cook, and didn't own that much. This was funny because they had been
there for some time. Every morning they left the studio before nine
in blue uniforms. At first I thought they worked as security guards.
Siggy told me they worked in an office on Schottenfeld alley
had to wear those kind of clothes.
It was not until much later that I became acquainted with the
them in their positions as managers in the Scientology →Org in
to happen for a while. The only thing that struck me as peculiar about
them then was their funny jargon in which they seemed very fluent.
appeared to get along well with everybody else.
Siggy's office personnel were allowed joint use of the studio
Everybody knew each other and were friendly and polite to each other.
the mornings we treated ourselves to breakfast, during which people
talked about themselves. Back then I was duly impressed with how simply
solutions were to found for one problem after the next.
Margit ran a kind of weight-loss studio, which I was to get to
better later on. All of my new friends were very understanding of me.
work went to places like the post office - for stamps and telephone
- and to the Schönbrunn Zoo, where I once saw his pictures. I soon
learned that Margit liked to introduce potential couples to each other,
and that these relationships supposedly lasted. I helped her one time
introducing a doctor I knew to one of her old friends, an artist. Her
of course, was a Scientologist, something I didn't know at the time.
I worked the whole summer in Siggy's office, during which time
contact with my old friend Herbert* in Linz. It made me very sad,
I agreed to it. Siggy and Margit always wanted to take my mind off it
cheer me up -- and without my knowing it, they were looking for a new
Once they brought me on a picnic to the Donau River to
day. I went swimming and ate ice cream with Siggy, her husband Gunther
and his brother Fritz, because Gunther said he wanted to test drive his
new car. We had a very enjoyable afternoon.
My bathroom was ready for an overhaul, Margit told me on a
short time later a man with a sympathetic voice called up and said he
willing to assess my bathroom for renovation. When I asked him how he
about my poor desolate bathroom, he said Margit had told him and that
was a good friend of his. Four weeks and several telephones later we
up a day for him to make an estimate, August 9th. He knocked on my door
at 7 p.m., a congenial, good-looking young man with a smile beaming
his face. He took a look at my bathroom, and gave a price estimate that
was way too high. I told him maybe he could do it later, since that was
more than I wanted to spend. I had invested my money in a vacation to
York with my son. We were due to leave in ten days. That was the magic
word for him. He immediately replied that he had also been to the USA,
in Florida and in California. A few minutes later we had a map of the
spread out on the floor of the living room and were showing each other
all the places we had been. I fell in love on the spot. For days
I was →acknowledged by Margit and Siggy for my wild experience.
Not only that, but Margit told me about when she and Hannes got married
they had known each other only four weeks, and that was now 16 years
She then told me that this meeting with Pascal* had been arranged. She
she was certain that he would soon ask me if I wanted to marry him.
was too fast for me, though, and I brought up the subject of getting
too quickly. Over the next few days both the women systematically met
At that point I was incurably enamored. I probably could have
into almost anything. Margit gave me a book about emotions (→emotional
tone scale) by Ruth Minshull. 
Read it, she emphatically told me.
What I didn't know at that point in time was that all the
been dealing with were Scientologists. Pascal* didn't tell me about
until we got to know each other better. The first time I heard it I had
to laugh, because the name sounded funny to me. I had no idea what
did or what Scientology really was. Pascal* told me it was a religion
was fighting for state recognition in Austria and other European
He said the Scientology religion was very similar to Buddhism ,
and that someone had taken the discoveries from this old world religion
and put them to better use. Totally enthused, he told me about how,
this religion, he first became aware of what he could do as a human
how he could improve his life and continually strive for improvement.
that you had to take courses in the Scientology church, he said. Wow, I
thought, where have I been living?
I asked him when the masses were for the members of this
answer was evasive. He said the belief was not God-related. Yes, he
there were services now and again on Sundays, when enough people got
I related this to the comparison to Buddhism, which also has no God,
in doing so I imagined that this was a form of religion that was
new to me.
"Life is a CAUSE which acts upon the physical universe as
There is overwhelming evidence to support this now. In the physical
there is no true static. Every apparent static has been discovered to
But the static of Life is evidently a true static." (L.
A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 136)
Nothing about any of the persons named struck me as
were constantly cheerful and always had winning smiles on their lips. I
was constantly assured, to the point where I believed it myself, that
would turn out fine. Everyone was optimistic and mindful of the success
of their business. The buzz word was repeated over and over: produce,
and keep on producing. More attention was gradually being paid to
summaries and statistics. As meticulously as these things were taken
of, that is how meticulously the nurses' complaints about missed wages
ignored. About every third call to the nurses agency was a complaint
unpaid wages, and some of the nurses had not gotten any money for
Because of this many of them no longer wanted to do business with the
and it took a lot of time and effort to talk them into going back on
In this I was accused of not being firm enough with the nurses and
too much time on the telephone with them. But after all, I was in love,
and details like this didn't bother me.
It wasn't long before Pascal* actually proposed to me, and Siggy
We married in Scientology
On October 14, 1995, we were married in a Scientology ceremony in the
Castle. Margit, an ordained Scientology minister, performed the rites.
To me it was a beautiful moment that gave me courage and strength.
Pascal* accuses me of having wanted the Scientology wedding so I could be
the star of my own show, but that is not how it happened.
Margit, with his agreement, arranged the wedding and told me
of course, please my husband-to-be. What woman in love would not want
Pascal* found cordial acceptance in my family, as I did in his.
were very understanding of Pascal* and immediately befriended him. I did
not tell my family anything about Scientology until after the divorce
final in October 1998. My mother is still in shock and is concerned
Scientology doing something to me. I tried to meet with optimism the
Pascal*'s parents voiced before the marriage. I told them I believed in
power of love, and that once Pascal* recognized the security of a
in the home he would not be wasting his time on this religious
I would not realize the extent to which I had overestimated myself or
degree of disappointment that was to come until after the divorce.
I would like to make it clear here that at the time I married
I was convinced that Scientology was a religious denomination that was
striving for official recognition in Austria. Today I blame myself for
not having gotten any information on this cult because I was in love.
Right after the wedding I moved in with Pascal* in his little
which was also his office. I had the dream of building up a little
for my new husband. His bachelor's quarters was lacking in many ways. I
systematically established a functioning household. With the money we
as wedding presents I bought an iron, a dishwasher and a washing
I invested my own small money reserves into bed linen and
as he owned only chipped coffee cups. His household was lacking in many
niceties. But he had no money for this sort of thing -- I was already
of his financial difficulties that he said he would soon →handle.
Right about the week before the wedding Pascal* told me he had
mainly from the founding of his company. He said he was going to take a
management course to get on top of the situation, primarily to get back
his line of credit, which was not all that high. I didn't learn the
of these debts until the first week after the wedding. To this day I
think that I did not know about all of them. He said he needed 170,000
shillings (12,250 Euro) for this course. I thought that number was
and inflated and I expressed by objection. This annoyed him and he
to me that he would disencumber himself of his debts through the
because he would learn there how to →handle his small business
and his financial problems. I remember that word so well because I had
never heard it used like that before. Somehow I found his statements
because it could only be true that an improved financial situation
be good for a newly married couple, but inside I still had
Finally he got to the meat of the matter and told me he needed a person
without debts who would act as guarantor so he could get a new
for 170,000 shillings. He asked me if I would do this, and I finally
even though it made me queasy to think about it. Today he says I
him the money so that we could get married. What kind of nonsense is
If he would have made the marriage dependent on me guaranteeing his
that would have given me pause for consideration, love or no love. He
claims that I offered to invest a portion of my inheritance, which he
I had already received, in his business. That doesn't check out, either
Living and working together
At the beginning of our marriage I was in sheer bliss. My husband was
and understanding and looked nice, still a dream husband at first
But over time I got the impression that he was being systematically
of thinking and feeling like a human being. Instead he gradually moved
into an artificial world, a house of mirrors from which there was no
In doing this he was fully capable of being a normal, happy
man. But he accepted much of what Scientology portrayed without
In Scientology criticism is absolutely forbidden and attempts are made
to nip it in the bud. If that doesn't work, critical attitudes are
punished. The crime of making statements critical of the system or the
organization can be punished with →auditing, forced labor, or
even with a visit to a correctional camp -- as prescribed by the
system of justice. But how could I have known that at the time? Often
long-term Scientologists do not know of these things.
His demeanor and manner of reacting to things in everyday
to me, drove him ever deeper into a labyrinthine hall of mirrors from
he could not escape.
In rare but, for me, happy moments I could sometimes detect
and kind-hearted person was to be found under this Scientology armor.
He had already subjected his entire manner of thinking to this
for too long. He had already been told for too long that his
were for the future, that →counter-intentions were to be removed
from his environment to assure the expansion of Scientology down the
All the same whether this applied to close friends or the
members of his family, they had to be →handled.
Sure enough it was his former friends that told me things
right after we got married that I didn't want to believe. I got to hear
some dandy horror stories, and that is how I perceived them, as either
nonsense or gossip. I thought that Pascal*'s former friends were really
and that maybe that was the reason he was no longer friends with them.
When he spoke of friends at all, it was only of his ex-friends. What I
didn't know at the time was that his former girlfriend, as well as his
parents, had also had their share of problems with him.
Her son being in a "cult" was very hard upon his mother. But
early on that she had lost her son to something that was foreign and
to her. Sometimes she rebelled against this briefly, and it was in
like these that we gave each other encouragement. I wasn't ready to
up that quickly, though. Another reason, this one connected to
for altercations between Pascal* and his parents was Z. Pascal* had met him
at the HTL ("hoehere technische Lehranstalt" / Vo-Tech) in
Both of them used to take the train there. At the time, Z. was
and was already selling "cult Bibles," 
just like his father. The entire Piesting Valley knew about it, my
I found out about his →auditing in Munich (I never found out
what problem was so expensive that it had to be audited in Munich) that
cost 80,000 shillings (5,810 Euro) and only lasted one weekend that
time I found out about his problems with Karin*, his early →2nd
According to Hubbard, marital relations are a dynamic. Like
else in life, Scientology also has scales and jargon for this
It was with disbelief that I first heard the cost of a visit to the Sea
a cost that far exceeded his financial limits
The reason he was not allowed to take courses there was that
he had allegedly attempted suicide. I have never heard anything about
but it could be, in accordance with Scientology logic, that this
was attempted in a former lifetime. Besides that he would have had to
no debts to stay in the Sea Org. Karin said he was spending so much
on Scientology that he was not concerned about the first time she was
so he left it to her to get an abortion.
Later she had a son, for which he had little interest or money
I didn't want to hear this in the beginning. That couldn't be my
she was telling me about.
One time our landlord asked me if I thought Pascal*'s friend Z.
At the time I said he was a great, really understanding guy. All he
was that I should pay attention and re-think the picture I had of Z.
Soon Pascal*'s friends were asking me if I was a Scientologist.
amazed that I told them I wasn't and that I responded by asking them
they would ever think such a thing? Because we had gotten married so
they said, and because his early relationship to a non-Scientologist
failed because of Scientology. So they came to the conclusion that this
time he would pick a Scientologist. In fact not only Margit and Siggy,
but other of my Scientologist acquaintances had often tried to talk me
into joining, but I didn't want to become a Scientologist.
Our friends were satisfied with my answer, but they warned me
would not stop their efforts at recruitment. If I did not decide to
Scientology, Pascal* would do the exact same thing for me as he had done
for Karin, who had had to move with her baby to her mother's when she
no longer tolerate the pressure and accusations. At the time Florian*
seven weeks old Karin told me that Z. and Urs U. (see pp. 78) had
Pascal* letters to tell him he should separate from her. In my case he
also to receive a separation order on Z's company letterhead, a copy of
which I have well preserved.
Pascal* also told me that Z. had once driven to see Karin, when
seven months pregnant, to scold her for 45 minutes for being a "third
between him and Pascal*. Pascal* had said nothing on his pregnant partner's
behalf to protect or defend her from this person, just as he was to
say nothing to protect or defend me.
Once I learned all this, I used every ounce of energy and love
to get my husband out of Scientology. The only thing he recognized from
our hours of discussion was that I had →counter-intentions. Those
discussions, which slowly picked up a tendency to end in dispute, had a
central theme: the money that kept on turning up missing because he had
given it to Scientology. I told him that, using common sense, he could
save up this money for his son. I didn't just mean the huge amounts he
spent on courses and →auditing, but simple expenditures, like
a birthday present. His frequent trips to Vienna became an ever
point of dispute. These trips were preceded by a ritual: he came home
work, lay on the sofa and slept for two hours, after which he ate, then
primped. Once we also argued because I was of the opinion that Pascal*
read other books besides the →ethics book.
I gave him books for his birthday and for Christmas so that he
have something to read other than Scientology material. He at least
a third of one book before tossing it aside. It was the first Bill
book on success.
Because of my →counter-intentions, mainly because of my
to get him away from Scientology, as he saw it, after six months he
for the first time that we divorce. The only way to talk him out of
up so quickly was in long discussions with his mother, who cried just
much as I did. "The repair of a marriage which is going on the rocks
does not always require the auditing of the marriage partners. It may
that another family factor is in the scene. This may be in the person
a relative, such as the mother-in-law. How does one solve this factor
using a shotgun? This, again, is simple. The mother-in-law, if there is
trouble in the family, is responsible for cutting communications lines
or diverting communication." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life,
The main troublemaker in our marriage was Pascal*'s friend Z. He
simply not admit that someone else in Pascal*'s life besides him had an
they could stand up for. Because of this he turned into my greatest
although at first he was very much in favor of me. Up until the time it
became clear to him that I would not become a Scientologist. In the
it turned out to be he and his father, also a Scientologist of course,
that got my husband and me away from each other. I have proof of this
writing. Pascal* even denies verified facts when it comes to Z. and his
Back when Z. still had hopes for me, he told me during a
about Karin, Pascal*'s former girlfriend. He said she had been a "ruinous
catastrophe" for Pascal*, and that everyone was happy once she "moved
He said she was not good for Pascal*'s life, she had only
besides that she was hopelessly stupid and had the evil eye. He told me
I shouldn't bother myself about her because the stories she told were
lies. It was those lies under which Pascal* had suffered and which she
spread around half of Piesting about how Pascal* had problems with his
And the poor child that would have to grow up with such a mother ...,
Pascal* was seeing to it that the child's life was not be a total loss.
that he meant the little boy would be brought up Scientologist, like
three sons. It was inconceivable to him that Karin could have disagreed
when Pascal* had sought out a good kindergarten for Florian on the fifth
floor of the Vienna municipal district building. That was, as I of
did not hear until later, the "Kreativ College for Knirpse" that, along
with the "Verein zur Förderung und zum Schutz von Kindern," was
by a long-term Scientologist activist. This was a kindergarten and
school without certain government rights ("ohne
Naturally, the methods of instruction were fashioned in strict
with Scientology concepts. 
The academic curriculum included the "Basic Study Manual" and "Study
which are supposed to make learning quicker. This sort of instruction
6,000 shillings (436 Euro) per child per month. In spite of this,
Margit S. complained about a shortage of money. She was the wife of
S., the brother of Gunther S., with whom Siggy was married at the time.
I frequently saw whole families in Scientology like this, down to the
generation in Z's case, and recruitment into Scientology was usually a
The only thing I said to Z. during this telephone conversation
the daily trip from Piesting to Vienna was very annoying, mainly for
It was a 45-minute drive by car, if you didn't run into one of
traffic jams on the south autobahn. He said only that if one had the
to do something, then it could be easily →handled. Because I was
still under the impression at the time that Z. was Pascal*'s close
I believed him, but gradually came to recognize the real content of
he had said.
It wasn't until a little while later that I learned the
heard but couldn't believe were actually true. One piece at a time I
to find out that my husband had not gotten himself into a religion that
was looking for official recognition, but into a controlling and
This organization arranged everything that lay at the
human values, be it family, spouse or even raising one's own children,
and even that wasn't enough. The organization seized upon the entire
of its members with a slithery grasp. After his savings accounts were
my husband was brought to take out loans to "invest" in his future. At
the time I was not aware that he was being treated the same as were
others. Neither was I aware that my relationship with him was going
the same way as that of many other women who had a Scientologist for a
His family reacted to his changing personality and to his ever
objectionable financial condition with concern and horror. In his
reports to Scientology he described his mother as →:PTS and as
a Suppressive Person. 
I viewed his attitude toward his family with concern, because Pascal* had
wonderful, accommodating, patient parents who were respected in the
Because of his behavior and his "cult tales" - as the people in
called them - idle chatter that his parents couldn't help but overhear
made its rounds and caused them grief.
When I asked him one time why he had joined Scientology he
that he had been looking for the truth about everything that concerned
us human being. He said his father had told him about evolution and
the human race had risen up from a kind of mud. He said that
had not been good enough for him and that he had wanted to know much
That is why he joined Scientology. Besides that, he said, he could
his life and the condition of his company with the help of Scientology.
I had to constantly remind him to stay in contact with his
I encouraged him to visit them now and again. His mother went to a spa
to recuperate for four weeks in 1998 after a stay in the hospital. We
it into our heads to visit her one Saturday. That evening, however,
had an "event" to go to with the Scientologists in Vienna. Therefore we
had to say our good-byes after visiting for one hour. I was concerned
him not even having enough time for his mother. That evening he put on
his good clothes and just left me sitting in Piesting while he drove to
The breach of trust with his family and former friends was
Instead of them he made room in his head for a world without war or
in which only the non-aberrated people had rights.
"If you are interested in the manifestation of insanity,
any and every form of insanity that you could hope to see in a lifetime
in almost any part of the world. Study the peculiarities of the people
around you and wonder what they would be like if their little
were magnified a hundredfold. You may find that by listing all the
peculiarities you would have a complete list of all the insanities in
world." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, pp 133-134)
His - former - personal interests gradually drifted into the
It was no longer important for him to have a woman who loved him. He
was at Scientology in Vienna from four to seven evenings a week. His
in his "religion" extended to all areas of his life. I admired his
although I didn't understand it.
Slowly I became more aware of traits that a short time prior I
not have connected with Scientology. He hardly ever talked about his
before Scientology, but when he did, it was always negative. He
himself as a student, although he had a trade of his own. He described
human nature as an abstract idea, and his environment was not important
on the weekend
Both my husband and I had sons from a previous relationship, and at
I thought I would bring my son Tobias* with me to the Piesting Market.
He, however, did not want to leave Vienna, mainly because of his school
and his friends. Long discussions resulted in what for me was a painful
compromise. My first husband said he was willing to move into my Vienna
apartment and see to my son's upbringing. When the living arrangements
in Piesting got better and my husband was no longer going to this
group, I would want Tobias with me.
Prior to that, or so I thought, there were still a couple of
to take care of to get the apartment comfortable.
My new home was the smaller half of a two-family dwelling.
and offices were accommodated in approximately 75 square meters. This
is approximately 100 years old. In the last century it had been an
building, and in the 1950s was converted by the father of the present
into a beautiful apartment building. It is, however, poorly insulated
very cold in the Winter, as I found out in doing my office work. The
entrance opened up into lobby that was in pitiful shape when I moved
It took a lot of cleaning to make it shine. Like many franchisers (see
p. 20), we used our living room as an office for the Remaill-Technik.
This room opened up into our country kitchen, where our customers sat
they visited. The employees also came in the early morning before they
went to work, and I gave them coffee. Morning coffee was my idea. Pascal*
would have just given the employees their work in the garage, but I had
found that 10 minutes getting together before work was very motivating.
Sometimes there were cookies or one of the workers would bring in
if he was in a good mood.
The building belonged to Pascal*'s boyhood friend Robert, who
to be one of the most dedicated Scientology critics in our circle of
Whenever he wanted to ask about Pascal*'s whereabouts he would say, "Is
out with the Klingons again?" That was an allusion to Scientology
Hubbard, who originally had been a science fiction writer. In reality
of what I learned about Scientology over time did remind me of a bad
Pascal*'s son Florian lived with his mother Karin and came to
only every other Sunday. Because he lived in the same place, at first I
wondered why he couldn't visit more frequently. I liked Florian right
and our two boys also got along well together when they happened to be
visiting us at the same time.
One time Florian was visiting us on a Sunday, as he had done
He had a cold, but no fever, and he was playing with my son Tobias and
his cousin Lukas*. Florian was coughing the entire day, and it got
towards evening. Finally he came to me in the kitchen and said, "My
hurts from coughing so much." I asked him if he wanted some cough syrup
and he said yes. I kept a homeopathic cough syrup for the children in
place in case of flu. It had helped Pascal*'s parents and his sister on
than one occasion and everyone was satisfied with it. When Pascal*
that I was giving his son cough syrup, he gave me a good talking to in
front of the child. His accused me of dispensing drugs to his son. I
that I was a nurse, and therefore fully aware of what sort of medicine
children could have. Besides that the cough syrup was a homeopathic
I wouldn't have given anything else to a child without a prior
to this from either a mother or a doctor. I also told him I had given
syrup to members of his family. We argued about this for three hours in
front of the children. Pascal* took it personally as a Scientologist
his parents had accepted the cough syrup. He accused me of making his
family dependent on drugs. All I could do was shake my head. At the
I didn't know where his arguments and reactions were coming from. 
What struck me as peculiar in this regard was his own
of synthetic vitamins. Sometimes over the course of a day he took many
times what was regarded to be a sensible daily dose. From my training
a nurse I was aware of the risks of vitamin overdose ,
so I tried to get my husband to slow down to avoid hazards to his
such as damage to kidneys or liver.
When he wouldn't listen to me, I asked my sister and her
practicing doctors, to speak with Pascal*. At the time I didn't know
was no point in sending a Scientologist to a doctor unless it was a
doctor. One of these was Thomas K. He was not only an "Operating
(→OT), which put him high up in Scientology's hierarchy, he also
worked for Scientology as an →FSM. An FSM gets other people to
spend money on Scientology books and courses. Pascal* often telephoned
as he was both a Scientologist and a practicing doctor. As a matter of
routine, though, Scientologists regard medical practitioners as
He had a fixed idea that I was a member of the medical liars. But at
time I still had confidence in the friendship between Pascal* and my
And so I hoped that he could bring Pascal* to see reason. The outcome was
naught, he continued to get his vitamins by mail order from a
drug store. The pharmacist is Alfred S., who does brisk business
Scientology "medicines" by mail. He also bought Supradyn in the
drug store. The package recommended one pill a day, but he often took
or three a day. I had fresh vegetables in the garden and tried to get
off synthetic vitamins by offering him meals rich in vitamins, but it
do any good.
"Man on the lower ranges is entirely dedicated to the goals
body itself. The body, to exist, must make nothing out of something.
as the simplest illustration, is the goal of eating. It may or may not
be necessary to life to eat; it may not even be necessary for the body
to eat. In Para-Scientology (any part of Scientology that exceeds the
of an individual at any given time), there is some evidence that the
once produced sufficient life energy to motivate the body without any
'food'..." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976,
One day be brought home a bottle of water he had paid 180
(13 Euro) for. It was Grander Water, named after its inventor or
Johann Grander, and it allegedly had special invigorating powers. It
especially healthy, he said, and he needed the water for his body now,
because it had a special energy. He was so stingy with this water,
dripping only a few drops out into his coffee or Muesli, that he made
bottle last two months. Then he forget to get a new one, and the entire
topic was history. I wondered as much about the price of the water as I
did about Pascal*'s belief in its special qualities. Where he wouldn't
me in the least he trusted complete strangers.
Another situation in which his behavior didn't make sense to
as follows: one time my son knocked his head on a bookshelf and came to
us afterward and told us about it. I wanted to hold Tobias and console
him, but Pascal* took him by the hand and brought him to the bookshelf.
told me that Pascal* had told him to put his head against the bookshelf
that this would make the pain go back into the shelf. Tobias, twelve
old at the time, asked me why Pascal* did such funny things. I couldn't
it to him.
I tolerated in silence Pascal*'s refusal to have children. He
children would not be the appropriate thing to do, in his situation. He
backed down a little and told me that perhaps in a few years he would
it over, and I could talk with him then about it. I pointed out to him
that I was already 38 years old, and while I was absolutely healthy
was not a lot of time left for that sort of thing.
He did not respond to me and, from that point on,
to broach the topic any more. This still bothers me today, and back
I cried about it. He refused to come with me to "normal" marriage
because that was done by psychologists, who he thought were criminals.
Besides that, this sort of counseling wouldn't have fit into his
without clashing with what he already knew. On top of that were the
that I had not wanted to go to the pre-paid Scientology marriage
therefore it was my fault if the marriage wouldn't work.
That wasn't the only guilt trip I was subjected to. He
me of having →considerations and →counter-intentions
and other words out of his Scientology dictionary. At the end he used
a few pat phrases to speak to me. The times he was friendly or willing
to talk or help grew few and far between. Affection between us was as
as non-existent, and it was not for lack of trying on my part. It was a
struggle to get any concession from him, and when that happened it was
so slight that I felt at odds with my own womanhood.
From the beginning of our marriage Pascal* didn't want to wear
ring. The reason he gave on weekdays was that it bothered him at work.
On Sundays it bothered him because he went climbing. He often went
up various mountains with one of his Scientology friends. But neither
he wear his wedding ring at other times. It bothered me that he ignored
my feelings. Other couples we knew who were Scientologists wore their
rings with no problem. He continued not to wear his and often made fun
of me and my concerns. When Margit, as a long-term valued friend in her
function of clergy, mentioned the ring to him, he only scolded me for
tattled to her.
In September 1998 I got a savings book for his son Florian. I
the the post office savings bank in Vienna, where I had opened a
account for Tobias a long time before. I was happy to be able to put
away for Tobias, as he certainly could use it some day. I wanted to do
this for Florian, too, because Pascal* didn't do it and Karin probably
have enough money. Because I was a co-signer to Pascal*'s account, I
up a recurring deposit from Pascal*'s company account to his son's
of 1,000 shillings (73 Euro) a month. Deposits for my son's savings
came from both my mother and me. One day afterwards, on Saturday
I gave Pascal* the new savings account book and was fully confident that
he would be happy to see it. Instead, he immediately became angry. When
I told him that "savings" was a solution word, the fight started. He
me of having done this because I thought that the Scientologists were
away all the money. Big stupid nonsensical fights would spring up out
simple things like that, without a thought to the contrary. It wasn't
almost two hours later we agreed to give Florian's savings account book
to Pascal*'s mother to keep. She was amenable to that. I told the family
what had happened and nobody understood how someone could fight so much
over such a little thing.
The way I explained the fight for my own satisfaction was like
one day when I had asked Pascal* how much his thick green Scientology
he named a figure of 14,000 shillings (1,017 Euro). I just responded
instead of giving that kind of money to Scientology, it might have been
better invested for his son, since there was not much chance that Karin
would be able to provide for her son in the future.
I accused him of stealing from his son, which perhaps was
too strongly. He yelled that his son was very intelligent - something I
had never questioned - and that he could look after himself when he was
grown up. Therefore it was not necessary to set up a savings account
"Care for the child? -- nonsense! He has probably got a
of immediate situations than you have." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New
on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 63)
It wasn't until much later that I learned from the
sold them to that the thick green "volumes" had actually cost much more
than he had told me. He had told Karin that he had started a savings
for Florian. After that I sent her a copy of the bank application with
I could never understand him paying so much money to this cult
he had to go into debt for it, every time. His mother is the guarantor
of his "company founding loan" of over 740,000 shillings (53,780 Euro).
She put up her own house for the loan without even a clause that gave
rights to live there. There is nothing in Pascal*'s business that is
that amount. The company cars are leased, and the office furniture
1970 was given to him as a present. The equipment and tools could not
that amount, not even close. The only company possessions worth
are two spraying machines at a value of about 35,000 shillings (2,540
apiece and two computers that were obsolete long ago. So where has all
the money from these many loans gotten to? Certainly the company had
that had to be financed, but he would or could not account for the rest
of his debt. Pascal*'s total debt was officially running at something
one and a half million shillings (109,000 Euro).
One time I calculated the debt using the available statements
up with about two million shillings (145,000 Euro), but I'm sure all
statements didn't make their way to me, even though I was working in
office. Between that and being his wife it still wasn't possible for me
to accurately determine his financial situation.
His business ran as a Scientology managed operation, with a basic
structure in the form of a franchise corporation. The founder of "Remaill-Technik"
or "Miracle Method", as it is known in its homeland of
is Bob Grey, a high-ranking Scientologist in the USA. The franchisers
themselves under contract to use the prescribed work materials from the
USA, and also to divert ten percent of their monthly sales to Bob Grey
or to his organization. "Remaill-Technik" (could be rendered
English as "Renamelling Technology") is engaged in refinishing old,
or unseemly bath tubs or wash basins. Bob Grey has also developed a
procedure to repair enamel damage. Main customers are spas and large
The goal of "Remaill-Technik" in Austria is to use all resources
available to become the market leader in the field of bathroom
and to eliminate (wholly in the Hubbard sense) competition.
The "master franchiser" in Austria is Z. His methods in
competition are anything but fair. I noticed him because of his rude,
conduct. He likes to use every possible opportunity to tell about who
"hung out to dry".
Pascal* is not only his franchiser, but also his friend and his
supporter. Z. is Pascal*'s role model. That goes to the extent of not
getting the same kind of haircut at the barber's, but also of
his patterns of speech. I once brought it to my husband's attention
he was acting like an image of Z. He became resentful and ignored what
I said, saying my words were only the result of my own intolerance of
He also mimicked Z. in his business practices and wanted to
Two days after our marriage, Pascal*'s sister Silvia* visited us
her small son. She told us she wanted to stop working in Pascal*'s office
at the year's end to have more time to spend with her son and her home.
Pascal* found an immediate solution to this predicament. Because I had
to business school before I became a nurse, which by the way was 16
prior, I could temporarily take over Silvia's job in the office. I was
happy to go along with this, since it gave me a chance to be at my
side. I immediately terminated the employment agreement I had signed
the Baden hospital, where I would have started duty in November as an
In the days following Silvia explained to me everything that
in Pascal*'s office. Soon I was on my own. My new job consisted of
noting down all incoming calls and giving out information about "Remaill-Technik",
working on the daily mail, opening accounts and posting account
on the computer, including income, expenses and cash, closing out
jobs, sorting out statements by date and preparing them for the tax
who would produce account balances and balance statements.
At month's end I had to do the calculations for the production
two employees and fax the data to the tax consultant for wage
From the commissions and production he would calculate the wages, which
I was then supposed to pay, not an easy task since there was seldom
money in the company accounts.
One important task was composing sales letters, some according
letters, others according to my own ideas. I took special care with
letters because I did indeed want for people to be interested in my
work. To that end I took on the daunting task of expanding the base of
customer addresses from 2,500 to nearly 7,000.
This task stretched over a long period, because I usually
time until the evening after regular hours were over. My search for
customers by phone took me to nearly all the regional tourist offices
the Austrian states of Styria, Kärnten Oberösterreich, parts
of Niederösterreich and Burgenland. I also contacted government
mostly state, to get addresses of hospitals, nursing homes, homes for
convalescent and children's homes in the Austria regions.
Once I got the lists I was looking for from them, then the
could start, that of contacting the potential customers. I had to type
in every single new hotel, hospital and institution address into the
by hand, along with the title and name of the contact person. This
project lasted from October 1996 to the end of March/early April 1997,
and most of it could be done only after regular business hours.
During that period I spent about three or four evenings a week
up to 11 or even 12 o'clock. My husband was either in bed at at the
I produced a new, up-to-date customer portfolio for my
business. Documents could be sent to the customers on demand. I had
it in my living in the evening and bound it in beautiful blue
cover. On top of that I took the initiative to design a new logo for
cover page on the computer. That was the only work that Z. did not
Other than that I never had a chance to creatively contribute something
of a non-Scientology nature to company goings-on. Anything from me that
seemed "normal" was not accepted.
For instance, in accordance with Hubbard's instructions we all
have three baskets on our desks. They had to be on the left side of the
desk, whether it was practical or not. Besides that there was also a
center" that followed this same pattern.
Another one of my jobs was advertising, mostly that meant
insert put into regional newspapers. Later, at the suggestion of me and
Z's wife Sonia, it was agreed to design a joint advertisement with Z.
And for every business action, painfully precise
had to be noted down and maintained. Counting these statistics was part
of my job until the beginning of 1997. Every Monday morning I had to
the weekly statistics to Z's company in Vienna. In the beginning of
Pascal* took over this job himself. For this task I gave him the older of
the two computers. Pascal* didn't keep the statistics as exactly as I had
been. In private life he was just as disorderly. He'd put things down
not be able to find them afterward.
Two or three times a week we'd search the entire house for the
to his car. At the start of the new work week I was supposed to do
in my work. I didn't do this nonsense, not once, which would always get
Pascal* and Z. upset. According to Z. this refusal to work was a part of
my →counter-intention. He once asked me what kind of →considerations
I had about it. I told him none, and that I did not need to do
for my work as I was present in Pascal*'s company from seven in the
to six in the evening and worked practically the entire time. On top of
that I frequently worked in the office on weekends to print the mass
letters so that the computer printers wouldn't be tied up during the
week. That included procuring paper and toner for the laser printer in
sufficient quantity. Sometimes my husband got those items, if he had
time, but it was mostly my job to get these things and other material
the workshop in my own free time. On Saturday mornings, or sometimes on
Friday afternoons, I used my little car to pick up copy paper, folders,
envelopes, 25 liter cannisters of acetone and nitro-thinner, dust
masks, adhesive tape, plastic bottles, work gloves, coveralls, trash
and light bulbs. And it wasn't like I didn't spend enough of what
free time I had in the "workshop," in reality just an dirty old garage,
to get things straightened up. In doing this I dragged things around
were too heavy for a woman, such as the 25 liter cannisters. That sort
of work didn't do my back any good, with which I had already
complaints several years before. That type of activity always causes me
backaches. I complained once to Pascal* and he would only say that I
have to do it.
"When you start to introduce order into anything, disorder
up and blows off ('disappears' in the German). Therefore, efforts to
order in the society or any part of it will be productive of disorder
a while every time."
"The trick is to keep on bringing order; and soon the
gone, and you have orderly activity remaining. But if you hate
and fight disorder only, don't ever try to bring order to anything, for
the result disorder will drive you have made. Only if you can ignore
and can understand this principle, can you have a working world."
Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 93)
He didn't worry about that ever. But leaving the "workshop" in
kind of mess when potential new customers or workers came in would not
make a good impression, as far as I could see. Pascal*'s stock excuse was
that this was a working area, therefore the mess could be excused. I
everything I could think of to help him, and I did it because I loved
While this was going on I was also maintaining a humble
during working hours I was going back and forth to turn on the washing
machine or dishwasher. In the evening, when Pascal* came home from work,
I saw to it that the atmosphere was comfortable. Most evenings I had a
small meal prepared and the apartment was always cleaned up. For
and large cleaning jobs I had some help, Mrs. Rosa, who was always
and punctual, thereby providing me with welcome relief. On the weekends
I went shopping for both home and for the company, only we didn't have
much money for the things of day-to-day life. My son Tobias would come
over Saturday afternoons and Pascal*'s son Florian also visited every
I always cooked good things for both the boys that I knew they
to eat, and afterwards there was almost always desert. I wanted both of
them to eat well when they were with us and to have the apartment clean
and comfortable when there were with us. I insisted that the boys keep
their own possessions in order when they were with us. Whenever it came
time to give our apartment a face-lift, there were always problems with
Pascal*. I had to argue with him for six weeks to get a new coat of paint
for the office, kitchen and waiting room.
It was on a Saturday when, in spite of himself, he finally began to
the walls with me and his father, who had come to help. Halfway through
the job in the afternoon, he got a call from the →Org. He said
he had to discuss something personal with Doris F. and that it would
about a half hour, then he left everything were he dropped it. He said
he would drive out to Vienna and come back right after the meeting. The
trip itself would take longer than his meeting, but he never concerned
himself with trivialities like that. The furniture was all pushed
in the middle of the room covered with cloth so I couldn't even sit
The walls were half unpainted and half wet with paint. I was simply
That evening a call came from Vienna. Doris F. said that the meeting
taking longer than they had thought, and that now Pascal* was going to
to work on a program afterwards, but that he would probably be home
10 that night. I was immediately upset and felt, as I did so often,
Scientology had left me standing out in the cold.
My husband had a regular habit of breaking dates and
me to put me in last place for the benefit of others or for
This feeling he projected towards me of my always being in last place
one of the many discouragements I put up with. Perhaps it had something
do with the value Scientologists assign to all other people.
are called "Wogs" 
or "Raw Meat" 
regarded as being not fully conscious.
I was not important to him even though I had made him the top
in my life and was always there when he needed me. Pascal* and his
were very important to me; I wanted he and I to have a better life
without debt in a beautiful environment. His progress in Scientology,
was more important to him. He had no understanding for my
Sometimes I asked myself whether he was at all aware of the impact I
made upon his bachelor's pad and his environment. He had once said that
he would have been willing to live in a trailer if it meant success in
"Once upon a time, perhaps, you were thinking of being
having a nice home, and having a nice family; everything would be just
fine. The husband would come home and you would put the dinner on the
and everybody would be happy about the whole thing; and then you got
and maybe it didn't quite work out. [...] Well, what do we do with a
like this? Do we just break up the marriage? Or touch a match to the
house? Or throw the kids in the garbage can?" (L. Ron Hubbard, A
Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, pp. 11-12)
Those do-it-yourself shelves that we bought in early 1996 for
one evening I pieced them together and put them up, without Pascal*. They
had been lying there for a week still in their packaging.
One of the workers we had then came by to drop off a delivery
He was surprised when he found me doing this work in the office with
and screwdrivers, and he helped me. It was already late, 8 p.m., and
wife and baby were waiting for him at home. After we had argued about
shelf, my husband was content to go off to Vienna and have a beer with
his friend Z. After that, of course, he went to visit the
in the →Org. He told me afterwards that I didn't have to put the
shelf together. I replied that I didn't like the files lying on the
in the office for over a week now, and that it was getting difficult to
find anything I needed in the office.
Another job he didn't want to do at home was putting down the
flooring we had got on sale in August 1997. We had wanted to redo the
and the kitchen, where the flooring already had holes. The carpet in
office was very dirty and worn, hardly the showplace of a successful
He put off the dates for doing the floors repeatedly, and we couldn't
to hire a handyman to do it. Pascal* completed vocational instruction as
a cabinetmaker, so he should have been able to do this work easily.
five months of argument we put down the new floor in the kitchen in
1998. He did more than his share of grumbling about it. At the time I
out in December 1998 the floor in the office still hadn't been done and
the laminated flooring was still lying in the "workshop." Cleaning up
keeping things straight were always a trial with him. Keeping things in
order should have been important for the chief of a small company.
had devoted an entire chapter to the creation of order in all areas of
life. But apparently he never read that part. Instead he would read his
ethics book (→ethics) for hours.
He had a fit once when I asked him if he didn't already have
memorized a long time ago. Problems at work? He would lie down on the
with the ethics book. That was his way of solving problems.
Another big topic of conversation was smoking. Pascal* smoked,
always been a dedicated non-smoker. I am very health conscious and pay
attention to what kind of food or medicine I put into my body. When we
first got married, Pascal* smoked everywhere, in the apartment at any
including when children were present. Long discussions ensued in which
I brought it to his attention that the children and I were engulfed in
his second-hand smoke, that this was not healthy, and it stunk besides.
Realize, if you can, that it was not until after a year had gone by
Pascal* said he was willing to no longer smoke in the living quarters.
When our workers had been busy in the workshop all day, I
for them. They enjoyed the food and the company. In the mornings there
was always coffee for the workers in the kitchen. I took pains to be on
good terms with them. They could always come to me if they needed
Whatever it was, I was always willing to listen to them. Without
myself to the skies, I'll point out that during the entire time I took
care of the workers in Pascal*'s company, the rapid personnel turnover
and we had the same people, Gerhard* and Ernst* for two and a half
There were no dismissals, neither were there cost-intensive termination
payments. We quite simply had a team that functioned and of which we
Vacation in America
In Fall 1996 we took our vacation together with Urs U. and his daughter
to go on a joint excursion that was to start in California. Pascal* had
the 1995 prize for the best production in Remaill-Technik for
U. is from Switzerland. He is Pascal*'s employer in the sense that U. is
the master franchiser for Remaill-Technik, from whom Z.
the rights for Austria. Pascal*, in turn, is Z's franchiser.
We hadn't even left the airport before Urs brought it loudly
to my attention that the monthly "royalties," licence fees, that Pascal*
was supposed to pay as a franchiser, had not been promptly deposited in
his account this time. These fees came to ten percent of our small
We flew from Geneva to Los Angeles. That was the starting
excursion by car through California and Nevada. In Los Angeles, of
we visited the LRH Gallery. The LRH Gallery, although the comparison is
enough to make any brave Muslim shudder, is more than the Mecca of the
Scientologists. There the Founder has been paid an unbelievable excess
of homage. U. and Pascal* strutted like two roosters through the
on the life of L. Ron Founder, the "founder of their religion." My, how
magnificent Ron had been, Ron did this and Ron did that, on and on. We
were permitted to admire the very first →e-meter, as well as the
very first →Dianetics book, a most magnificent movie about the
even more magnificent Ron: Ron as the family father at the fireside,
daughter in his arms; Ron the researcher, the writer; Ron at home in
areas of science. Row after row of certificates, diplomas and awards
in showy gold frames on the walls; I estimated 400-500 of these.
I experienced a personality cult as I never had before.
Our tour guide was a German-speaking Swiss woman who spoke
about Ron. It wasn't until later on that I heard anything critical of
read books that in no way reflected the magnificent image propagated of
him or learned that Hubbard would have had to have been 300 years old
do everything that Scientology credits him with.
U's daughter Iris was 18 years old and, naturally, a
Scientologist. She sold groceries and seemed very content to do that.
of Iris' legs is a little more than one inch shorter than the other,
that bothers her when standing or walking for long periods. Sometimes
just falls down in exhaustion from the effort of having to compensate
the difference in the lengths of her limbs.
I asked Urs if he had ever brought Iris to see an orthopedist
fit her up with shoes that would compensate for this difference. He got
very upset and said that of course he would not let her be treated by a
doctor because they were all criminals. He immediately changed the
and started talking about AIDS, a disease about which he said he had
accurate information. He said he knew from people all over the world
it came from and how it could be eradicated. I said nothing more to him
as there were four of in in the car and the greater part of our trip
before us; we had just arrived in Palm Springs. I didn't want to have a
discussion that would end up in a fight between Pascal* and me. Besides
I was already aware of the Scientologists' peculiar assessment of
"Glasses are a symptom of the decline of consciousness. One
one's sight bolstered to make the world look brighter. The inability to
move swiftly [...] is a decline of consciousness and ability" (L.
Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 76)
I perceived U's outbreak as an expression of his displeasure
profession as a certified nurse. I had been constantly upbraided by
in connection with my profession and with my work with doctors.
to Scientology, doctors and nurses are arrogant, while psychiatrists
psychologists are even regarded as criminal.
In the scope of my education prior to becoming a nurse I had
a detailed report about AIDS and about AIDS patients in the operating
which I had presented before nurses. In order to do that I had to
information from academic sources as well as from on-the-job reports
wards that cared for AIDS patients. I spent almost a year working on
review of what is known about AIDS for my colleagues. During this time
there were many occasions to speak with AIDS patients. I had chosen my
profession for moral and social reasons and have always been mindful of
work ethics and of patients' interests. I still like working as a
and I'll be involved with caring for sick and socially handicapped
for as long as I can work. I never could get this idea across to Pascal*.
He didn't understand what I meant. He never exhibited anything similar
to sympathy. I consoled myself by saying that things would surely get
The Celebrity Center in Hollywood had also been scheduled for
tour, but I refused to go there. Instead of that we went to Universal
We left San Diego to drive through the desert to Palm Springs, and from
there to Las Vegas, where we visited the casinos. From there we went to
Death Valley, Yosemite National Park and finally to Monterey on the
That was the most beautiful beach I'd ever seen. We drove up Highway
to San Francisco. That city with its Victorian architecture jutting
struck me much nicer than Los Angeles, parts of which look
Not Beverly Hills, of course, where I saw houses more beautiful than I
ever could have imagined. In San Francisco we saw every conceivable
of interest, ate at the fishery by the wharf and went for a magnificent
sunny morning stroll over the Golden Gate Bridge. On the last day we
the prison island of Alcatraz.
During the relaxing atmosphere of this trip I had wanted to
to Pascal* the idea of having a child. I simply wanted a child in our
Yet it was quite apparent that he was not ready to have a child with a
non-Scientologist woman. The peculiar concepts Scientology had about
were manifesting themselves.
Apparently he had our discussion about children on this trip
USA →audited too, since I found handwritten notes about this discussion
by "Brigitte," who I have never met. It made me sick to think that he
sharing the intimate details of our marriage with a stranger. It was
until much later that I found out that he regularly wrote reports for
in which he revealed the most intimate details of our relationship.
The duties of a wife
Despite my limited financial possibilities, I gradually succeeded in
the apartment more comfortable, putting flowerpots outside the windows
and hanging beautiful pictures and curtains. If there was no money to
this from the company, then I took it upon myself to finance these
out of my own pocket.
In the first year of our marriage I outfitted my husband with
trendy, elegant, somewhat expensive clothes on the occasions of his
and our first Christmas together. They were clothes he could wear when
he met with important customers, like a hotel director or a spa
and not appear as ill-kempt was otherwise his custom. He was very happy
to get these gifts and liked to wear them. These are also what he wears
when he drives to Vienna to go to the →Org.
After Pascal* and I were married, I also received money every
then from my mother. Sometimes she bought me something nice, a jacket
Chanel for instance. Pascal* accused me of wearing nothing but designer
but that wasn't true. I did, indeed, possess several pieces of designer
clothing, but either I bought them before we were married or my mother
gave them to me. Most of my wardrobe is normal, off-the-rack clothing.
I also used to sew some of my own clothes before I married Pascal*.
the time Pascal* and I were together I had no money to buy designer
I did the garden chores almost all by myself, except the lawn,
was mowed by Pascal*'s father. Pascal* helped me only on rare occasion. In
front of and behind the building was a total of 4,000 square meters.
approach to the house was more than 70 meters long, and the customers
to either drive it or walk it. Therefore it was of special interest to
me that the brambles and bushes be cut back. Besides that, the children
ran around there in the summertime, and before my clean-up operations
were great quantities of broken glass, rusty nails, rotten boards and
clasps from beer bottles lying around. It was also in his interest to
away these piles of junk and plant roses in place of marigolds and
I put in a small vegetable garden from which we got tomatoes, zucchini
Since Piesting was plagued with snails and the slugs were
best to eat everything in the garden, I bought a couple of Turkish
the second year we were married, and they ate these pests with so much
gusto that the garden was free from snails. The ducks were called
and Daisy. The last year I was there I also had a gray goose that flew
to me and made himself at home in our garden.
Pascal* cursed when I wanted to put in organic topsoil and he
me till the dirt. He said it was a waste of time. I responded by saying
that it would be nicer for the customers if the area around the shop
like it had been landscaped.
But he was not interested in the by now well-cultivated garden
On the contrary, when we were getting divorced, he accused me of
too much time in the garden.
In his response to my application to sue him for divorce, he
me of frequently sitting around evenings in front of the television
Yes, it was true that sometimes I watched television in the evenings,
his consumption of violent movies was even worse. He had a preference
movies in which people were hacked to pieces. He had an electrician
the neighborhood mount a satellite dish after which he watched the set
much more frequently.
When the boys stayed overnight, they had to sleep on a couch
living room because of a lack of space. He wouldn't even turn the
off when the children were getting ready to go to sleep. When I told
to turn off the boob tube, he'd usually be upset because his violent
wasn't over yet. I'd bring it to his attention that those movies
be played in the presence of children, that he could have watched
nicer. He would only say that he thought maybe the children would like
He simply brushed my objections about child-rearing aside.
But then he would get excited if I turned on the television
after I did office work all day I couldn't read a book and conversation
with him was not possible without it ending in an argument. I watched
peaceful or romantic movies, but also news broadcasts and
mostly about medical research. That upset him, of course, because
things were reported on the news and he could not →confront 
these things. Once when I told him I was looking at a news broadcast
it was reporting on the conversion to the euro [new unit of currency],
and that I wanted to see how things were turning out for dividends and
for individuals with the conversion to the new currency and how it
affect the company, he became quite angry. He told me the only reason I
was interested in the topic was so I could take all the more delight in
pointing out his debts. I told him that I thought about the currency
the same way I did anything else and that this was neither
nor did it have anything at all to do with his debts. There wasn't any
point to me saying anything, he simply did not want to believe me.
At the time I didn't know about Mary Sue Hubbard. She was one
Ron Hubbard's wives, and in 1970 she described the duties of a married
couple in the "Marriage Hat." 
The 23 duties of a wife were up against only 21 of the husband's. The
of a woman included: cooking, washing, ironing, going shopping, raising
children and some other things around the house. Being beautiful for
husband was one of them. Duty 15 says never to appear before the
in curlers or wearing a face mask, but to be always clean and
I was already the ideal Scientology wife, although I didn't know these
My husband never appreciated that. Apparently he didn't
duties, either. Those included not only mowing the grass and doing
repairs around the house, but also occasionally bringing flowers or
gifts for me.
At the end of 1997, all of the employees could not be paid.
one of the new guys had to be let go. He had family problems and was
ill besides. I also decided to officially quit the Remaill-Technik.
It was a happy coincidence that it was at this time I also happened to
receive an offer to work 20 hours a week in an operating room in a
hospital. I had previously done some work for them and I wanted to get
back to working in my profession. The nursing team there is very good
which was an additional attraction for me. It was agreed that, for the
rest of the week, I would work in Pascal*'s office, not as office help,
as the wife who did the bookkeeping. There was consultation with the
advisor as to what form my compensation would take, and it was decided
that Pascal* would give me 8,000 shillings (581 Euro) a month in the form
of a private withdrawal. In 1998 I often had to wait a month for my pay
because Pascal*'s company had no money. I was still dependent on the
shillings though, because I only got about 11,000 shillings (800 Euro)
from my twenty-hours-a-week job, and I still had financial obligations
(rent, my son's upkeep, telephone, savings plans, life and automobile
Naturally I also needed money for the house, because he did not
give me money for that.)
Pascal*'s one remaining employee, Gerhard, also had to wait on
At year's end it turned out that Pascal*'s company had made a profit for
the first time, according to the accounts ledger it was 800,000
(58,000 Euro). But there was no money in the bank account. Where had it
Back into professional life
From the day I began working in the hospital, more and more money was
withdraw from cash without records of transaction. Naturally I noticed
that money was missing and I asked Pascal* about it. He replied that he
paid Z. for supplies or for this and that. I told him he would have to
write that down if I was not there, and bring in the corresponding
to document the cash withdrawals. I waited weeks or even months for
of these documents, and many of them I never received, presumably
they did not exist. At the end of the month I had to record all
amounts as private withdrawals. That was soon a common trick in our
because at month's end the expenses and the income had to tally. With
help of this trick, which I came upon in 1998 by means of the new tax
Pascal*'s books always balanced, but where had the money gone?
In 1998 Pascal* repeatedly withdrew cash from the company
an automated teller at Volksbank in amounts of 5.000 shillings
Euro). As the person who did company accounts I had to ask him what was
financed with this money, because I didn't have the corresponding
He usually surprised me by pretending not to know what he spent the
on any more. I can't explain the missing documents, because there were
no bills. Pascal* would accuse me of keeping sloppy books, but those who
know me are aware that I place the highest value in maintaining order
all areas of life. I always did the work very precisely, and therefore
I take it as a serious insult if I am accused of being sloppy.
Somebody was indeed being sloppy, as could be realized from a
at Pascal*'s desk. If I had not spent the prior year exploring his desk
see what kind of important bills were lying around on it, it would have
been impossible to sort out his mess now that I was on reduced work
Some unfinished work would always be lying around there. An insurance
for the company car our employee drove, for instance, lay unpaid on his
desk. It was not until our insurance representative (a friend of ours)
called up and told me that the permit agency was going to come around
next morning to unbolt the license plates from the company car that
reacted. He got all the unopened envelopes together, including the
warnings for the insurance amount, put them in a pile on his desk, and
then promptly forgot about them.
I had hoped that the threat to tow the car away would move him
more orderly, but I was only deceiving myself - he continued as
as before. The bill collector showed up at the front door October 14,
At first I was very afraid, because prior to that day I had never had
to do with seizures or bill collectors. He said he had to receive 1.800
shillings (131 Euro). I could not, however, pay that amount in cash.
I asked him what was going on, he told me that two weeks before my
had been informed by a letter from the court and must therefore know
he was paying for. I had never seen a bill, a warning or a court order
for this sum. Strangely enough, the yellow receipt of payment the bill
collector gave me later disappeared and never showed up again
I never found an entry in the books for this amount.
The friend of my husband
His trips to Vienna bothered me more than ever, because he spent up to
four evenings a week there while leaving me alone back in Piesting. He
told me I could always go along with him. I did that, and even let
be talked into taking three small courses with Scientology in Vienna.
consisted mainly of the child's game of using paper clips, rubber bands
and other such small knickknacks 
to act out the instructional story you had just read. It seemed
dumb doing this. I felt like I had been transported back to
The course supervisor 
was nevertheless very pleased with my performance, for which she
me. Once Christa Z. said it was seldom that someone with such a gift of
comprehension as I would come along. At the end of the course I went to
see Barbara K., and she told me I had to take the ring off my finger
hold the →e-meter in my hands. She said there was only a little
bit of electricity in there and that it was to see if I had success
my course. I told her I could tell her that, and that based on my
of medicine, there was no device that could measure success. She was
that I did not hold onto the e-meter when I was done with my course,
let me take courses nonetheless that did not cost much, only about 800
shillings (58 Euro) per course. My husband paid for me. That was one of
the few times he spent money on me. These inexpensive courses were to
people into Scientology, and were arranged so that after the first
successes, people would then naturally go on to take the more expensive
On one of these evenings I was urged to take the so-called
test, which I was supposed to take in an adjoining room.
I read through the questionnaire, which had a picture of
on it, and found the questions much too personal. Several questions had
to do with when and how often my muscles twitched. After about ten
I gave the "test" unanswered back to the course supervisor and told her
I wouldn't fill anything out because it had nothing to do with the
of my course and the questions went too far for me. She acted
and my husband, who had talked to her, was rather sullen. Approximately
one week later Dorf F., the director of the Vienna →Org, asked
me if I wanted to become a member of the IAS ,
because magnificent life-affirming people such as myself were needed to
save the planet. I told her I didn't want to join another religion, and
besides that, I didn't have enough money. Pascal* wanted to pay for my
but I refused.
I am Catholic and want to stay that way. It is simply the
for me. In 1998 Pascal* left the Catholic Church, although I had asked
not to do that. From that point I hardly ever went to the →Org
in Schottenfeld Alley again.
In 1996 I went with him for two evenings to "Business Success"
There Franz W. one of the co-owners, gave a lecture about "conditions"
(→ethics) for about thirty people.
In the beginning of our marriage, besides all his other
Pascal* was active in the "Charter Committee Vienna" every Tuesday until
10 pm. His mission there was to call up parties of dispute that had to
be →handled and make appointments for them to meet. His nickname
at the time was "Bulldogge." I complained to Pascal* that not only was he
not at home evenings, neither was he at home over the weekends. He then
ended his activities for the Charter Committee, but complained about it
afterwards every time we argued. He says I threatened him with divorce
back then, but he was the one who would bring the word "divorce" into
It was not until much later that I learned from one of his
friends that people had not been quite pleased with his work there, and
nobody complained that he left of his own accord. At the time the
of the Charter Committee Vienna was located on 32 Linzer Street, in a
off to the side of Angelika T's commercial studio, a storage room to be
more precise. I was only there one time when we brought in an office
and a fax machine.
In December 1995, Silvia and I found on the floor under
a small pile of slips. Apparently it had fallen from his disorderly
top without him noticing it. Silva was picking it up and I had bent
too, to help her. Since it was near the old wastepaper basket, it could
have been something meant to be thrown away. As we looked through the
to see what they were about, we saw they were invoices from the Vienna
Scientology Church from which it could be seen that Pascal* had paid
money in the amount of at least 300,000 shillings (21,800 Euro).
We were both speechless for a time, and then decided not to
parents, who had already suffered for years from his Scientology
about the money. Even since then I've known that Scientology is not the
church that it represents itself to be.
At that point I was not aware of how helpless I really was. It
now becoming clear to me how any attempt at action by me was doomed to
failure from the start. I could have counted on being threatened with
again from Pascal* if I started off in opposition to Scientology, so I
trying to handle things delicately.
I began by pampering him to give him a sense of security about
I tried getting his non-Scientology friends to help him see
was life worth living outside the cult. His family was in on this, and
we tried to re-create a circle of friends for him in Piesting. Now and
then I tried inviting Pascal*'s parents over for Sunday coffee or brunch,
or the other way, we would arrange visits to his parents, his sister,
with friends. In the same way we invited my sister and her husband,
children and parents, or drove to their place or did something else
Besides that I like having guests and friends around; they enrich one's
life. We had barbecue parties in the summer to which we now and again
Scientologists so as not to be too obvious. At such gathering we
made no distinctions between Scientologists and non-Scientologists,
most of them were my very good friends, anyway. "Were", but no longer;
I was very surprised about that right after the divorce. Back then,
I had to reckon on the Scientologists being in our environment for a
amount of time. Later on I learned I had done it exactly the way cult
recommend in such cases, but my success was not permanent.
Naturally, from Pascal*'s point of view the job of buying
the barbecue party fell to me, just like all our shopping. When I asked
him whether he could help me the Saturday before the party, at least to
carry the cases of beer and mineral water, he told me he didn't have
because he was going to drive to the →Org on Saturday. Once again
we had a fight because the Scientologists were more important to him
buying food. After much discussion he consented under protest to help
Afterwards he always held it against me.
After a while this situation got too tight for him, and he
more to the →Org. They called him countless times, including late
at night. Mostly it was women who didn't even introduce themselves that
called up and addressed me in familiar language ("duzen"), even though
they didn't know me. I stopped keeping track of them after the count of
different callers reached thirty. I repeatedly complained to Pascal*
these calls and about their manner and asked what these women wanted
him. One time I called up the →Org in Vienna and complained about
the calls. I told them that Pascal* was married now and that these calls,
especially at such a late hour, would no longer be taken. I was
quite jealous, too.
"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages.
comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person, and the
may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden
lines and will do anything to try to uncover them. This acts upon the
partner to make him feel that his communication lines are being cut;
he thinks himself entitled to have open communication lines, whereas
marital partner insists that he shut many of them." (L. Ron
A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 66)
The entire time we were together only two men called me up,
of a bygone era, who stated their names, too. The calls from Pascal*'s
"friends" never stopped. Not even on Mother's Day afternoon, when, at
suggestion, we had invited our mothers over for coffee and cake, was
peace. Even then two calls came one after the other from the →Org
in Vienna. Nothing helped, we simply couldn't get away from it. At the
time, of course, I was not aware that constant telephone calls are the
Scientology practice when they are under the presumption that one of
members possibly wants to leave.
Pascal* was systematically assigned a new schedule. He was to no
have time for his wife, family or friends. No more time for talking
"Communication is the root of marital success from which a
union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship
bash out her keel." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los
1976, p. 64)
Instead of doing anything with me, he had more and more
his Scientology friends, with his →auditors, who function as a
kind of thought police, who leave no rock unturned in their members'
who alter their world of thought to the point of completely controlling
people - a process that can continue for years.
Financial developments in Pascal*'s company were turning ever
At the end of 1996, Pascal* added a third worker at Z's urging and
my judgment, who we really could not pay. In December 1996, wage
for the other two workers and for me, plus Christmas bonuses came to
150,000 shillings (10,900 Euro). We could not pay that, so I tried for
the umpteenth time to have a realistic talk with Pascal* about his
and his constantly mounting debts. I also addressed the profitability
the company. Absolutely nothing came of it. He only told me all the
I had →counter-intentions and was only enjoying myself with the
negative numbers. He said the thing I wanted the most was to see his
fail. I was surprised that my husband could have such an opinion about
me, his wife. I reassured him that I loved him and that I really had in
mind putting an end to his senseless debts and I wanted him to have
with his company.
Pascal* had training in a good profession, and with a few night
he certainly could have made good money as a craftsman, especially in
day and age, when many people put a high value on the quality of
He had trained to be a cabinet-maker in Vo-Tech school in Mödling.
Since I didn't know what else to do I asked Silvia, who was
familiar with the company's financial situation as I was, to help me
him of an intelligent solution. We spoke with him nearly four hours,
gained nothing other than making ourselves weary. Too strong was the
of Z., who told him again and again that I had →considerations
and →counter-intentions, and like Karin had supposedly done before,
I was only →dramatizing everything.
Despite all the problems in our operation, Pascal* had no
time for Margit M. when she asked him to renovate her bathroom. I went
along to help him; it was the 1996 Christmas season. As a
she offered me some of her slimness wrappings. I was curious and
it couldn't hurt to take off a few pounds, although the people who knew
me have always said I have a good figure. Margit's method was called
"Victoria Morton Body Wrap" and comes from the USA. She learned it from
Victoria Morton, who is also a Scientologist and who lives in
Florida, a Scientology headquarters. The method was said to be forty
old and allegedly goes back to the ancient Egyptians. Five to ten whole
body wraps are supposed to bring about a significant reduction of
but there is not necessarily an accompanying loss in weight, Margit
me. Most of the times she wrapped me personally; two or three times her
assistant Johanna stood in for her. Margit used each of these as an
to talk about Scientology. She didn't give up trying to convert me. She
said it was Pascal*'s goal to become →clear, and if I were to stand
in his way, he would separate from me.
"theta clear. An individual who in Scientology processing
the certainty of his identity as a being apart from that of the body.
terms clear, clearing, etc. originally came into use by analogy to an
machine. If some numbers are held down in the machine, then in adding a
column of figures one arrives at the wrong answers. If the held-down
are then cleared, one arrives at correct answers." (L. Ron
A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 34)
She began from the legs up and bound my hips, stomach, chest
up to my head. Tight enough, she said, so that the water would be
out of the cloth. Besides that she used elastic strips that had been
in a big pot of water. And this water was something special -
created with the secret formula from Victoria Morton. Once my head and
body were completely encased, I had plastic baggies put over my feet
hands, fastened with rubber bands, in which the water pressed out of
cloth was to collect. Water did actually drip into the baggies, and it
was dirty, but that was probably from the wet bandages. A yellow
the kind that little children wear to school in the rain, was put over
my head, and over top of that was put a warm night robe. Then I had to
dance and hop around in the studio to music for an hour. As was done
the treatment, measurements were also taken at ten points from thighs
neck after each session. The centimeters that had been wrapped away
calculated and noted. Somehow I got the impression that Margit held the
measuring tape more loosely before the procedure than she did
Don't shower for two days so that the Goldwater could work its
my skin, were her parting instructions. Without giving it a second
I went straight home and took a shower. Pascal* was outraged because he
I had undone Margit's work.
Like Remaill-Technik, Victoria Morton Body Wrap and
S's "Tock" company were organized as franchises. Margit was probably
master franchiser in Austria, because she offered me a part of the
operation for which I would pay her for her the know-how and for the
"Science in Scientology"
I was repeatedly subjected to attempts at recruitment by Margit and her
friends. She came more to the point in her conversations by telling me
that the longer I refused to become a Scientologist, the greater the
Pascal* would leave me.
This began another problematic segment of our marriage, and I
understood that if I wanted to understand my husband, that I would have
to venture into the enemy's camp.
One of Margit M's good friends told me she would be willing to
me understand the basics about the "Science about Scientology." She is
really very nice, like all the Scientologists I met, always polite and
accommodating, at least to start off with. She always had a smile on
face. I read from the Scientology books with her for hours. In doing
I had to read aloud, just like in grade school. If I stumbled while
then I would have to read the whole sentence over again. If it happened
that in my exhaustion - these sessions always took place in the
after a strenuous day at work - I stumbled over too many sentences,
I might have to even read the whole paragraph over again. I didn't
a sensible explanation for what I was doing. Attempts were made to talk
me into believing that the only reason I stumbled while reading was
I had come across a word I did not understand.
So we did "word-clearing," which means I looked at the
had to read through each one of them, then I had to use my own words to
define the word and act out what I was saying with the little
I mentioned before.
After a total of four weeks these pretensions were over with
several months peace prevailed in the marriage of Pascal* and Ilse.
To the ever reappearing question of what I had against
consistently responded with two standard sentences: it cost money Pascal*
and I did not have and were not likely to have soon, and secondly, I
bothered by the enormous waste of time, time that was being denied to
as a spouse and time that was not being spent with family.
For tactical reasons I never talked about what bothered me
having to watch the personality changes in my husband. I tried to stop
or dilute these changes in Pascal* myself in that I consistently tried to
talk them over with him.
"A conversation is the process of alternating outflowing
communication [...]. There is a basic rule here: He who would outflow
also inflow -- he who would inflow must also outflow. When we find this
rule overbalanced in either direction, we discover difficulty." (L.
Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, pp. 151-152)
Nearly all these well-intentioned conversations that started
ended in stupid arguments. It always hinged on whose truth was true: My
truth is more true than yours, it cannot be that your truth is more
than mine. I had talked myself into the hope that I would find a way to
Pascal*'s Self, and that I should never give up, otherwise the marriage
our life together would fail. That did not get us any further along.
As 1997 started we had no more space in the office for the new
files, so we had to reorganize and decide which files could be put down
into the basement. I had to set up a whole new series of folders, which
I really wanted to do to keep track of things. As a result, a visit to
the office supplies store was necessary to buy folders, separator
alphabet tabs, baskets, etc. Simply put, a rather large purchase. We
planned to make this trip to the store, which would include much
together on Saturday morning. As we were getting ready - I was just
on my shoes - A., a Scientologists and Pascal*'s fellow mountain climber,
called Pascal* up and asked if he had time to go climbing in the
a little bit, for January the weather was so unseasonably fine and
In my presence Pascal* agreed and said he could be ready right away, that
A should wait for him at eleven o'clock in the Vienna-Neustadt train
and they would go climbing.
I was terribly upset and pointed out to Pascal* that we had
go together to buy the things he needed for his office. He just said he
thought that I could go get those things alone, and that he now wanted
to go climbing with his friend. At which point I again pointed out that
we had decided on doing this almost a week before and I didn't want to
be stuck fetching and carrying again while he enjoyed his leisure time.
That would not do at all as far as I was concerned. He got horribly
and said I couldn't stand his friends, especially the Scientologists.
On the contrary, I liked some of friends a lot. What bothered
his constantly putting me and my interests behind those of his friends.
That was something I, as his wife who always put the interests of her
first, did not expect. He never saw anything wrong with putting me off
that way. If the situation didn't suit me it was always my fault, never
Some of his non-Scientologist friends were still annoyed with
he just didn't take things he should have done for them seriously.
he was supposed to do for Scientologists always took precedence. Their
work came first and then, maybe, his old friends were next. As far as I
know he never even started the work on a wash basin for our landlord,
he had needed it for an exhibition. For his friend Z., however, he
a little chest with a sliding front, and did it with the tiles he had
as advance payment for the wash basin. I pointed out to Pascal* that he
treat his friends the same, and that he took the one more seriously
he did the other. He could not →confront that, so he had his fit
of temper in which he chided and upset me. He never showed any regret
upsetting me. No, he always blamed me for not understanding him and his
However sometimes he treated his customers very peculiarly.
one time he got a contract to resurface the laboratory doors of a big
operation. These doors led into the sterile rooms, so they had to be
handled, but they were just lying around in the crowed workshop. One
the architect for the pharmaceutical business came over unannounced to
ask when the doors were finally going to be ready. In doing so he saw
lying around and determined that the workshop was only an old garage
a special lacquer spraying room, which made him dreadfully upset.
The doors couldn't be surfaced with the Remaill-Technik
at all, because they were made out of wood, not enamel; the surface
have been bubbled and uneven. Shortly after the architect's visit
came to fetch them although the job had not been done.
In May 1997 we had a terrible fight that began with me saying
truth he and his friends found in Scientology was rather expensive, not
only in financial terms, but also in loss to family unity and trust.
the course of the argument, Pascal* steadily got more aggressive whereby
he threw two full bottles of beer on the kitchen floor. Afterwards he
my son's dart board and smashed it. Things were not looking good for
Even worse was the helplessness I had to share with my husband when he
could argue no longer and could neither refute nor tolerate the truth
the machinations of his "friends."
The bottles of beer were either left over from one of our
or from the case of beer I kept under the cellar steps for to provide a
cool drink as a little reward for when my father-in-law mowed the lawn.
Pascal* very rarely drank alcohol, and when he did, it was with
conscience. When he planned on driving to the →Org the next day,
he of course never drank alcohol.
Sometimes I liked to share one with him in the evening if it
the meal, but a whole bottle was too much for me. He never drank
with me, only with his friends. Once his Scientologist friend Helmut P.
was visiting. He had brought a double-liter of white wine from
Lake with him. The two of them played guitar and drank the whole
I was not invited because I don't drink white wine.
When we were newlyweds, Pascal* once told me that when he was
years old he used to ride around with his friends and get drunk, but he
didn't do that any more now that he was in Scientology. There he had
saved from his ruin, otherwise he would have become an alcoholic.
In my opinion the whole story was ridiculous and contrived,
His mother, who spoke quite openly to me, had never told me anything
that. He had probably been talked into it, another reason for
Pascal* was quite simply no longer in the position to relate to reality.
After this outbreak of aggression, I started having concerns
first time about my own safety. What would happen when breaking objects
no longer satisfied his aggression, would he let loose on me one day? I
was afraid about what was going to happen before he understood what his
"religion" and his friends had made out of him
At the time I didn't tell anyone about the incident. Pascal* was
who couldn't hold back and he told his sister right away when I threw a
can of hair spray on the floor in anger. On another occasion he threw a
jar of nails and screws against the wall in his workshop. He let the
and screws lie. Gerhard, our employee, asked me what happened in the
after, and I told him the truth. Objects began flying through the air
frequently with us. Once it was a coffee cup against the tile wall in
kitchen, another time it was a book.
Once when we were fighting in June 1997, the next day Pascal*
with the idea that we should have a "marriage handling" with
Behind this phrase lurked a type of seminar for married people, similar
to psychological marriage counseling, which Pascal*, of course, had
I didn't want to be against something again, and so I went
it. After a couple of days, we drove to the →Org in Vienna when
we had some time in the evening. Doris F., the director, said that we
go to a marriage seminar or receive →auditing in Hamburg. It would
only cost 37,000 shillings (2,690 Euro). She suggested that we take the
night train to Hamburg, attend the marriage seminar the next day, and
the night train back to Vienna. That way we would waste as little time
as possible. I immediately said that was too expensive for me, and that
in view of our financial situation, we couldn't afford it. Upon this
both of them stared at me quite disgruntledly. No idea why, I just told
them the truth. F. then suggested that we ask around in our family
a "money flow." She meant we should borrow money from relatives. I
to do that on moral grounds.
Two days later Margit M. gave me a call and told me we could
the marriage seminar in Vienna for 2.500 shillings (182 Euro). I asked
her how the difference in price could be explained. She answered that a
"highly trained" auditor gave the marriage seminar in Hamburg, but in
we could do it with a minister of the Scientology Church in the
Public Division. Aha, I thought to myself, these fantasy prices do not
have to be so high after all. You just have to put up a little defense
and they'll find another way to get you to go along with Scientology.
It fell through for an entirely other reason. I would never
holding onto the →e-meter in the session. For one thing I'm afraid
of electricity (I shocked myself once as a child), and for another I
simply found the thing grotesquely ridiculous. Alfred W., our
auditor," immediately said that he could not do marriage auditing if I
did not believe there was any sense to the e-meter.
He said he would not be able to recognize where I had
"charge" to be a problem he wanted to find with me. I stuck to my guns:
marriage counseling yes, →e-meter no. In a different room my husband
set about taking away my →engram with electricity, and he got
me to hold on to the e-meter when it was turned off. I went along with
it, on which account he chalked up a big success for himself.
"A vital part of success is the ability to handle and
only one's tools of the trade, but the people with whom one is
(L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 67)
We never did do the marriage seminar in Vienna, even though
paid for it. Every fight we had after I refused to use the →e-meter
he said it was my fault that we had not done the marriage seminar.
During that summer there was an "event" 
which had to do with seeing how many crimes psychiatrists and
could be incriminated with in addition to the ones that had allegedly
already exposed. I was always appalled by these gatherings because I
my integrity as a trained nurse was under attack. Pascal* would attempt
ask me about the things I had seen in the course of my training and of
my job. He would always start off with these questions, and I tried
and over to explain to him that medical practitioners were not
Of course he never believed me; the "knowledge" that had been conferred
upon him by Scientology was too strong. That was his truth. I asked him
not to go to this "event." Of course he went anyway.
These "events" were arranged by the CCHR (Citizens Commission
Rights), aka KVPM (Kommission für Verstöße der
gegen Menschenrechte), although that name was hardly ever used.
These organizations were founded by Scientology and are almost
engaged in criticism of psychiatry. In essence CCHR is nothing more
a recruiting agency for Scientology. One of their lectures go
The psychiatrists first invented themselves at the beginning
20th century, and then they invented the Holocaust, which without them
of course would never have been possible, then they invented gas
Psychiatrists are true sex monsters who have many extramarital
with patients, often with more than one at the same time -- and they
paid for this too, because it occurs during working hours. Psychiatry
not a science and has therefore established itself with support from
chiropractic, and other non-sciences. Psychiatrists and their
destroy whole people or at least individual organs either by
or by surgical removal. Among the speakers for CCHR are doctors. I have
to ask myself how a doctor could bring his colleagues into so much
The Financial crisis
Sometimes I had nothing other than love, which Pascal* always made into
laughable, to get me to fight for a better future and wait for the day
he would realize what I really wanted for him.
In Summer 1997 Pascal* wanted to expand his business to include
line from the "Quorum" company. With Z. he drove to a meeting to learn
about Quorum's structured distribution products.
That evening he returned in a complete Euphoria and explained
how magnificent the things were that he wanted to sell from now on, but
mainly about all the money he would be making to →handle his debts.
Naturally at the time I did not know what structured distribution -
called multi-level marketing - was or how it functioned. As with much
I didn't learn about that until after the divorce.
The basic idea of structured distribution is to constantly
people who will also sell the wonderful product. You, as the recruiter,
get a certain percentage of your people's sales. So those who have
enough people can kick back and let the money roll in. It is my
that Scientologists have a special preference for multi-level
because it agrees with their concept of "making" money (see p. 21).
Several days after the evening with Quorum one of Pascal*'s
friends, Athea, came for a visit completely unexpectedly. She brought
a do-it-yourself alarm system with accessories, along with instructions
for assembly. Pascal* was supposed to try to sell these alarm systems. He
didn't manage to do that, though, because none of our acquaintances
anything to do with this non-brand name product. Quorum is a structured
operation, built like a pyramid scheme. Every worker is an independent
contractor and has to buy the wares -- a predetermined quantity every
The Quorum company products included security and entertainment
as well as cosmetics. I succeeded in the ensuing debates to convince
that he did not have enough money to store ten televisions and ten
systems in our garage. Besides that, who was going to buy them?
Were we supposed to have a garage sale? What would actually
there were complaints? Who would be responsible then? Who would repair
a television or an alarm system?
Once again he was very angry. For lack of any argument, he
of not liking his "friend" Athea, that was it, I was jealous of her and
therefore had →counter-intentions. Besides that I was a →Suppressive.
I never wavered though, and the Quorum episode passed us happily by.
accusations went on for a while longer, but by then I was long
to being a →Suppressive with →counter-intentions. He
could insult me if he wanted, rant and scold me as much as he wanted, I
had made up my mind to remain strong for us and the family.
In August 1997, the company account at Volksbank was
shillings (50,900 Euro) overdrawn, but the bank gave him a loan of
shillings (29,000 Euro) along with an overdraft allowance of 300,000
(21,800 Euro), strangely enough with no collateral or other security.
Some of the financial difficulties we had in Summer 1997 came
as a result of having dismissed a worker in May. His work was
and he simply had no work ethic. From February to May the complaints
increased dramatically. The time we had to spend taking care of the
of course, was lost production time.
Since by that point in time I no longer had any intelligent
Pascal*'s world of thought I asked Gabriela P., a Scientologist he
to and trusted, to come over for a chat. I took advantage of a purely
call from her.
She was over to see us the next day and had time for a
She seemed very reasonable to me and said a few things that sounded
we should do them. In any case, Pascal* listened to her. In this and a
meeting we agreed to work out a budget. I was to be responsible for the
finances, and could now say what would and what would not be spent.
He never went along with that though, nor with the agreement
would have a "finance meeting" once a week from that point on. As of
20, 1998, when I was thrown out of the office, we had only three of
meeting - although it had been agreed upon to have them at a fixed time
Here is an example for his disregard of the agreement that I
manage the company's finances and be responsible for expenses: Z.
to get company letterhead paper printed but needed a minimum amount for
the price to be 80 groschen (0.6 Euro) per piece, as opposed to the
price, which was almost double that. Therefore all Austrian franchisers
had to order letterhead paper, whether they needed it or not. As I was
the one in the office who was responsible for placing this order, I
Z's wife Sonia, also a Scientologist of course, that 4,000 sheets of
would easily last us for the next two years. This was a need we did not
have and I would therefore not place an order. Soon after, Z. called
who was with customers, on his cell phone and told him that he was not
honoring the Remaill-Technik agreement, that everybody had to
letterhead paper, including him, and that he should →handle his
wife. In the week that followed 16,500 sheets of Remaill-Technik
poor-quality letterhead were delivered to us at a time when the
balance sheets were fully in the red.
Pascal*'s father once said he regarded Z. as a fraud because he
Pascal* out of a large amount of money in the 1992 dissolution of the
He could not understand his son continuing to do business with Z. In
Pascal* made himself independent, whereas before Remaill-Technik
purely Z's operation.
Nevertheless Z. continued to meddle in everything. His
came mostly by telephone or fax. He only seldom arrived personally,
it was for something especially important, like in 1998 when he wanted
to talk Pascal*'s mother into guaranteeing another loan for him. She
go to the meeting herself because she did not like Z. and never sat at
the same table with him.
Z. had perhaps well-founded fears that the family could win in
over Pascal*. Pascal*, however, would never escape the clutches of
as long as he let Z. interfere in his life. He treated Pascal* in any way
he liked and Pascal*, who otherwise always defended himself, would utter
not one word. He let anything his "friend" wanted happen to him and
did not see or did not want to see how he was being manipulated.
We could not win the ongoing battle over Pascal* between Z. on
side and Pascal*'s parents, Karin and me on the other side because Z.
it with unfair means. These included exertion of constant influence and
arousing false hopes that everything would improve if Pascal* would only
separate himself from the →Suppressive Persons that were currently
in his environment. It was only in that way that he could achieve total
freedom. Scientology has a theory that every person has their own game
in life and loves to play this game. One of these games was entirely
to permanently disconnecting Pascal* from his family, a source of
The beginning of the end
The bookkeeping work was taken away from me October 20, 1998. Z. Sr.
Jr. had advised Pascal* to do this, because I was said to be generally
hadn't been paying bills and was spending too little time in the
Within the two hours it took me to do our usual purchasing in Vienna
all bookkeeping files for the year of 1998, the cash books as well as
cash itself were brought to Z. Jr.'s corporation. The two Z's explained
to me that effective immediately their company would be doing the
for Pascal*'s company -- for free. After I brought it to Pascal*'s
that I received part of my income from his company, he said I could
to have my money. However I have not received a single shilling from
company since October 20, 1998, nor did Pascal* give me money for the
When I would explicitly state that we needed money for groceries then
would throw me a bill, most of the time it was 1,000 shillings (72
When customers paid cash, he would bring it in a plastic cake box to Z.
on one of his customary semi-weekly trips there. Z. would divide the
up for him. In the first month Z. did the bookkeeping, personal
came to 40,000 shillings (2,900 Euro). That much had never been
in a month's time while I was the bookkeeper.
We were fighting more than ever, of course those discussions
the disappearing money. He would scream at me if I asked what happened
to the money and tell me it was no longer any of my business, that I
use that excuse anymore. He said he wanted a divorce to free himself of
me once and for all. I brought it to his attention that divorce was not
an option with me. I still felt bound by our vows to stay together for
better or for worse.
He only yelled at me that he wanted a divorce. From October
never received one kind word from him. When I tried to appease him and
offer to reconcile things, he would block me out. If I did not
give up, he would only shout all the more.
As of October 20th he no longer slept in our bed, but on the
in the living room. He did spend two nights in bed during this time,
because it was too cold for him in the living room. Once I touched his
shoulder as a gesture that I was still his wife who kept his wishes and
would always love him. He simply pushed me away. After a while I asked
him why he had not filed for divorce if that was apparently what he
to do. He answered he didn't have the time for that.
He continued to accuse me of lying and of wanting only to
and take his friends from him. In doing this he called me a
Person who had been dramatizing his life, and he said he could no
put up with me.
I sought help and advice from our friends. I went to Margit
who both offered help, but he would have nothing to do with it. Both,
course, were Scientologists, because we no longer had any of the other
friends. If it were today I would take care not to ask them, but back
I still believed it was possible to save our marriage.
I also sought support from Pascal*'s parents and his sister.
were indeed willing to help me, things soon got to be too much for
They didn't understand many of our marriage problems -- how could they?
Today they take Pascal*'s side against me, which I understand and
They probably couldn't believe everything I told them the many times I
wept before Pascal*'s parents.
Possibly they didn't understand what I meant, or perhaps they
I was exaggerating. Pascal* only said I was crazy and told his parents it
was my fault, of course, that the marriage broke up. I can understand
such occurrences do not happen and are not understood in families that
have nothing to do with Scientology. Some of my narratives may have
unrealistic to them. But I didn't lie to my parents-in-law. I don't
to further intrude into a family that is already suffering from
and its affect on their lives together, therefore I have not kept up
with my former in-laws. I'm still very sorry that our relationship was
I will not take back my objections and accusations against Z.
received the divorce order on Z's company letterhead. Z. was a constant
third party to our marriage. It was as if he was always there,
into Pascal*'s ear what to do next.
On the evening of November 30, 1998 Pascal* spit toothpaste
my face during a violent argument. Two days before he had thrown a
into my face in anger. Another time he tried to pull my black scarf
around my neck. My attorney and I reported these incidents at the
police station. They asked me if I wanted to press charges against my
I didn't do it because I loved my husband.
On December 1, 1998 I filed for divorce. As grounds I gave
a Scientologist and used his money exclusively for Scientology and -
me a very serious reason - that he refused to have a child with me.
Pascal* accused me after the divorce of having selected my
the purpose of finally destroying him, as she had previously wreaked
loss upon Scientology. It is true in fact that she was recommended to
because of her previous legal success against Scientology.
He was afraid that the story of our divorce would be published
accused me of threatening to have the story printed in a big news
He was concerned that its publication would cause him difficulties with
Scientology. That led to him unselectively hurling all kinds of
at me. Sometimes I thought he no longer knew the meaning of what he was
saying. It was not his own statements and his own thoughts that came
him, it was from Scientology. I never threatened him, but he construed
everything I said in the divorce proceedings as a threat. I was
amazed at how one sentence, at the snap of a finger, could be
misunderstood and how this reinterpretation was then spread around.
Here the Scientologists are truly masters of their craft:
the defamation of →Suppressive Persons, is one of their tools
On December 13, 1998 I moved out of our common dwelling in
Market and settled in at my mother's, as she had agreed to this. My
out couldn't happen quickly enough for Pascal*. He even helped me to
some of my boxes.
It wasn't so easy, though, to say good-bye to my
even know if they would open the door for me. It hurt me that these
upstanding people had to suffer from the effects of this corporate
They deserved to have peace and a happy life in their old age, not
anxieties and fears about their son and his steadily growing financial
As parting words to my husband the day I moved out, I told him
all my efforts to find a way back to his original self, back to the
his family and his friends once liked, had failed. I had often made an
effort to show him another way, laboring in love. I had looked for that
one argument in all our disputes -- but it had been in vain. Pascal*
a programmed life for a whole new world with its own rules, for an
free SELF sometime in the future.
"There is a basic rule that a psychotic person is concerned
the past, a neurotic person is barely able to keep up with the present,
and a sane person is concerned with the future." (L. Ron Hubbard, A
New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 100)
His method of thinking, however, made it increasingly
himself with the real world and to think self-determinedly. An
wall towered between him and reality. A fatal result of having his life
pre-programmed by Scientology with rules he had to keep under any
was his alienation from people who loved him and still love him. He was
held in this condition by his "religion." Pascal* the person was reborn
a complete change in personality and a radical break with the past.
has either banned or given new content to the words love,
security and truth in the vocabulary of this new person. Humans are
as disposable objects. Pascal*, as I learned at the end of our marriage,
could no longer smile, he could only wear a frozen Scientology grin. He
could neither love nor conceive of having been loved.
The parting stroke
I began by looking in the self-help section and buying books about
about Scientology, about anything that seemed related. I had nobody to
ask about background, nobody who could understand my situation. My
were very nice, but of course they didn't have the factual knowledge I
so urgently needed.
I had to hide books about Scientology at my friends' houses.
of these books I learned the address of the cult center at the
of Vienna. I made an appointment there and discovered what I could
for the future of my marriage. As I was departing, the words that
with me were "Mrs. Hruby, continue as long as you are in a position to
Later I sought out other counseling centers where I was
with some, but had very good experiences with others.
Pascal* was becoming increasingly inaccessible to me, always
one second to the next he could change so that it was suddenly like I
talking to a brick wall. It was impossible to continue speaking to him
this way. Any attempt in this situation was senseless, he was no longer
listening. When he was on the telephone to Z., he used a kind of jargon
so that I wouldn't understand what he was talking about. I knew very
that Z. often talked me down to Pascal*. For instance at a meeting in
Z. railed on about me in front of an assembled crowd. Today he says he
was talking about himself. Hard to believe that from a being who
himself so well as to be the greatest.
When Pascal* becomes →clear, he will be told, "You have made
the breakthrough. Continue this way, you are one of the chosen people
can make a →clear planet and save the earth. You are the chosen
Thetan (→OT) we have been looking for; the universe awaits you.
For you the Bridge to total spiritual freedom begins now. There is just
one detail, first we would like to have the contents of your wallet,
is only right for you; if you have savings in the bank, it is much
for you if you transfer it to us. Besides that you will take out a loan
from the bank, after all, it is to save the planet -- for us -- but you
knew that already!!"
How do we outsiders know whether it's not really that way or
really among the unsaved? Is is possible we are foregoing our future
on a "clear planet Earth" and an existence in a universe in which there
is no war, no drugs, no crime, no atom bombs and no psychiatrists? What
are we really doing without when we pass up a life without a →reactive
mind? Don't we also want to be people who are free from psychosomatic
Could it be possible that we have unjustly condemned the only savior of
humanity, Mr. L. Ron Hubbard, not to mention the 2,000 years people
on the Messiah? Are we now committing this mistake for the second time?
These are the questions I asked myself seriously and that I
from the Scientology point of view for Pascal*'s sake and for which I
three little courses. But after all I've had to go through with the man
I loved so much, I can no longer believe in these things.
At this point some people are probably asking why I kept quiet
I kept quiet out of a false sense of loyalty to my husband. If
have talked about the truth of this organization's social goals at an
point in time, then the extremely small chance I had to get my husband,
who I loved very much, out, would have been next to nil. Merely
of a situation in which you keep quiet against your better knowledge is
surely difficult for some people. Back then, though, it was the only
I had, and it also served to protect me.
I had to leave in my husband's awareness no trace that I had
the fact that his Self was a product of his friends and no longer his
His friends, especially Z., forced the separation between
Ilse. Z., according to what others say, was also to blame for the
of Pascal*'s first relationship. Here I publicly accuse him of causing my
separation from Pascal* my husband, who says that he still loves me, just
the same as I have not stopped loving him.
What I have left are the things I've accused myself of, of not
enough patience, of having left my husband too soon, and of having
left an entire family. However, I cannot help those who do not want to
My husband was never interested in following a path together
else -- only one path was really important to him, and he intended to
me for his own interests.
Based on the written documentation available to mefs, I risk
that the marriage between Pascal* and Ilse Hruby was arranged in 1995
as was the Hruby/Hruby divorce in 1999.
I am convinced that the dissolution of our marriage was
afar, planned by a regime that acts completely undemocratically and
our society suffers out of falsely perceived tolerance. This was done
the collaboration of those who thought it not appropriate that on the
of Pascal* was a person, who, come what may, was absolutely not ready to
join the totalitarian philosophy of the Scientologists. Today I am
of having been able to retain my Self and my self-determined thinking.
in the Summer of 2000
the "Handbuch des
Geistlichen" ("Volunteer Ministers Handbook") LRH (L. Ron Hubbard)
recommends that his adherent go into public hospitals. Translated from
page 119 of the German version, "While you are simply walking through
hospital, you will here and there see some people in their rooms who
dejected. You can stay with each one for a few minutes and to give an
(a type of emergency assistance). In the same chapter it says,
"If you give someone ... an Assist without slipping a your card into
pocket, you have committed a mistake," and "Don't ask people for
Just do it." (p. 95) About the role of Volunteer Minister it says,
other things, "On visits to the hospital he bolsters the patients'
by showing them the way to full recuperation through counseling and
in Scientology." (p. LII)
hours for paid
are, according to the "Brücke" (Vienna Scientology magazine) from
9 am to 10 pm with an hour off for lunch and supper; on Saturdays work
ends in the afternoon.
Ruth Minshull is a
author who presents essential aspects of the Hubbard teachings in books
and brochures that are easily understandable for non-Scientologists.
(sometimes also to Hinduism or Taoism), as often as it is used, is
index, as indicated in the beginning of this book, for Scientology not
being separable from its early days of the American business miracle.
many people back then were familiar with these Far East religions? Who
would know the difference if Hubbard wrongly translated central
such as Tao, (see Stephen Kent: Scientology und östliche
Traditionen in" Berliner Dialog 1/97) or if his "postulates" ("Make
etc.) stood in stark contrast to the central points of the teachings he
The process of
loans contradicts the Hubbard letter "Wie man mit Geld umgeht" ("How to
deal with money"). There is says that people should not go into debt.
the other hand, investments in the future - and that is how courses
to be regarded - are permitted.
the "Dianetics" book.
unit with the purpose of getting "ethics" (in the Scientology sense,
... author's note) in on the planet and the entire universe. (see DSTD
Someone who causes
between two people, between one person and a group, and between two
("Handbuch des ehrenamtlichen Geistlichen p. 753) - An important roll
Scientology theory, because, as it says, there must be a third party
in any disagreement, otherwise there would be no conflict. (DSTD p.
-- If it were only that simple!
Naturally that also
that the Scientology image of a child forms the basis of all theory and
practice. "A child is not a special species of animal distinct from
A child is a man or a woman who has not attained full growth. Any law
applies to the behavior of men and women applies to children." (L. Ron
Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 57)
just have to write these reports on other Scientologists, they have to
write them on themselves or have a contact person do it, when they have
are different processes (called "assists") that are supposed to greatly
improve a person's state of health. The process described is a "contact
assist," which is supposed to immediately prevent possible future
the injury might have had.
the Ch. Problems of Auditing, FN 14.
Volumes: in the
Red and Green Volumes Hubbard's policies are collect, all in all
meters of Hubbard texts. Pascal* probably had bought only a small portion
(chapter on the Scientology performance society).
for any non-Scientologist. Origin of the word: it came from the British
slang designating a non-Brit in one of the English colonies.
for "worthy oriental gentleman." (DSTD p. 112)
Raw Meat: someone
has not yet received Scientology processing. (DSTD p. 335)
While the better
on customer presumably could have been another argument for Pascal*
also stressed the importance of external appearance), it was presumably
not for the children, because they are regarded by Scientologists as
something on, remove an obstacle. Spreading bad news is regarded as
No Scientologist will willingly enter the influence of a suppressive so
as to avoid becoming a "potential source of trouble." Therefore
normally do not watch news broadcasts. Each person can answer the
of how much these policies serve (or not) to isolate Scientologists
the outside world (and from reports critical of Scientology).
Hat: slang for
and the work of a post in the Scientology Church, derived from the
hats of various professions. (DSTD p. 47)
"study technology," there are three basic obstacles to learning: a word
was not understood or wrongly understood, important fundamentals are
and the person cannot graphically demonstrate the concept correctly.
of this is described in detail using Scientology technical jargon. The
little knickknacks are called a "demo kit" (for demonstration kit) and
they are used for the last deficiency mentioned. Every Scientologist
to put one together and use it enthusiastically. In the statistics
are extra points given for each usage.
done by people who have completed a course supervisor's course. Having
done the material that the "students" are working on is not a
from former members they were convinced that without Scientology they
have been failures (many of these had to do with alcohol).
a presentation. It could also be used to mean a celebration. One
of the Scientology jargon is a preference for English words.
There exists a comprehensive body of Scientology words that is put down
into a specialized dictionary (1975 German edition: 577 pages), the
Dianetics and Scientology Technical Dictionary [German edition]. It
words that are completely unique along with a vocabulary that is
but has been redefined for Scientology. For instance, the word "bank"
not a financial institution, but a collection of mental image pictures
whose removal is the goal of Scientology processing because it serves
as a burden and things go much better without the bank.
There are a great many abbreviations besides that have turned into
their own words. Often these are abbreviations for (mostly positive)
from everyday speech (e.g., WISE: World Institute of Scientology
the (programmed?) confusion is perfect!
is anyone who has not yet been "cleared" of the subconscious negative
experiences in his past; therefore his thought and conduct deviate from
rational behavior (see DSTD p. 1)
Hubbard wrote that all evil is caused by aberration (→HCOPL
15 Aug 66) in the material that deals with →Suppressives and
thus confusing the concepts of healthy/sick with good/evil to the point
of being indistinguishable.
according to the DSTD this is the activity of asking a question (...),
getting an answer to this question and acknowledging the answer of a
(a person on the lower end of the Scientology awareness scale, the
"Bridge" ... author's note). For problems associated with this
see the appropriate chapter on p. 15.
For Scientologists this is an import part of communication. The words
"good," "fine" and "OK" are used to lead people to understand that an
or statement has been perceived and noted. Its effect on newcomers is
of praise or agreement, but it is really nothing other than a
that the message has been received. This does not necessarily mean that
you agree with the message. (DSTD pp. 13 ff.)
acknowledging an experience: it is a routine procedure for
to write or narrate their "success reports." People are continually
to report their "wins." When people do that (sometimes with a liberal
of fantasy), then they are "acknowledged," that means public applause,
congratulations and praise. In short, the "experience" is sealed in
was at the beginning the ideal condition being strived for; a person
who is no longer under the influence of past negative experiences, and
who as a result can act intelligently and self-determinedly (so the
theory goes); in the meantime this condition has turned into a sort of
baseline from which humanness really begins in earnest.
a coined word, derived from the Greek for "through the soul";
the engram theory and the process of reaching the state of clear.
According to Hubbard there are various driving forces in life, e.g.,
the urge to survive: as self, as a sexual or bisexual undertaking, as a
presence in a group of individuals, as a presence in humankind, as a
in infinity. (DSTD p. 24) Scientologists simplify these names, for
"2D" when they are speaking of the second dynamic. Normally they use
word as a synonym for spouse, or person with whom one is having a
this does mean the performance of a theatrical piece. According to
Hubbard →engrams require a certain method to discharge. Executing
such a discharge is called dramatizing.
An electronic device in the style of a lie detector (only much
which, according to Scientology teachings, can "measure" a person's
state." The device sends a weak electrical current through the body by
means of two electrodes (tin cans) that are held in each hand. The
is set on a gauge that supposedly indicates mental resistance. There is
great doubt, however, about the accuracy of the needle movements.
emotional tone scale:
Even emotions are hierarchically standardized. In the emotional tone
scale feelings like pain and anger are mixed with actions like "making
amends" on a scale from 0.05 to 4.0 (from apathy to enthusiasm), or
-8.0 to 40.0 (from "hiding" to "serenity of beingness"). On this scale
"making amends (0.375) and sympathy (0.9) are significantly below being
numb (1.2) or boredom (2.5).
is a central theme in Scientology or Dianetics. It corresponds most
closely to what psychology calls a dream. The influence, however, that
Scientology ascribes to the sum of all the engrams accumulated in life
(including "past lives") far exceeds the classic idea of
For this reason a person who is "cleared" of all engrams also
attains unimaginable abilities and an unimaginable quality of life.
This word is also re-defined. In a nutshell, ethical is anything
does (see p. 30 ff) But a Scientologist does not just live ethical or
he is situated in a definite "ethics condition"; this is a scale for
quality of ethics. The zero point is "non-existence." Below that are
like "enemy" or "doubt" down to "confusion." Going upward, you start
"danger" and "emergency" and go up to "power." The ethics condition is
determined by the →statistics of the who or whatever is being
In order to get from one condition to the next higher, there are
The "formula for the condition of treason" goes something like, "Find
that you are." (Introduction to Scientology Ethics, [German edition] p.
104, called the "ethics book" in the text.
Another important pillar of the system are the "knowledge reports"
(see p. 58, along with the internal system of justice with "courts,"
etc. Another important building block are "ethic orders" by which a
"condition," a misdemeanor or a crime can be handed down for people.
consequences of these can be serious for a devout Scientologist (such
if no auditing is allowed).
A method of operation in retail sales by which a business sells its
product through a retailer licensed to do so.
abbreviation for Field Staff Member. A Scientologist who contributes
to the expansion of Scientology by recruiting new applicants. He
a desire for a service and selects the person for this service
Ministers Handbook [German edition] p. 756). Of course he is then
with a commission. There are also "games" arranged so that the best FSM
gets an award. An FSM doesn't have to be a person; a company can also
as one. That is how the Business Success company obtains a high number
of points in "games," similarly to the MLM system, see p. 21
"Intention" in Scientology is more than just a plan or a purpose; the
word also means the power behind the purpose. Counter-intentions are
to exist if something does not run as it should. Either the
himself is blocking it out in his own mind or someone else is blocking
it. Counter-intentions are primarily ascribed to people who have a
viewpoint. Intentions and counter-intentions are related to →postulates
HCOB and HCOPL:
Abbreviation for Hubbard Communication Office Bulletin / Policy. These
are policies. For →HCOPLs it says in the DSTD that the are permanently
valid distributions of all technology. Their validity are "independent
of their date or age."
handle (handhaben in German):
is a much used word among Scientologists, derived from the English
word "handle." It's spectrum of meanings range from "to deal with
"cope with something", and "manage someone" or "manage something."
Also a word very often heard from the mouths of Scientologists, it
mean "the ability to comfortably be there and observe" (DSTD p. 53),
means to remain passive and to feel at ease regardless of what is
in front of you. It is one of the basic abilities that Scientologists
and/or train themselves to do.
Shortened for of (Scientology) organization. The word describes the
physical location of the house or building of the local establishment.
That is where courses are usually given, but it also serves as a
center for the Scientologists.
An abbreviation for Operating Thetan. That is Scientology's self-made
word for their superhuman, for whom everything is more or less
There is also a graduated system here describing the individual steps
awareness; the top end of this scale is currently left open.
also called the OCA (Oxford Capacity Analysis), consists of 200
some of which are very intimate. After the test is graded, the subject
is showed a graph that allegedly shows the strengths and deficits of
The test, which has no connection to the university of the same name
so far as has been detected, is the most import way the Scientologists
have of recruiting people. Its name and its graph suggests there is
scientific about it, but, in the past, it has been regarded by some as
dangerous for people with certain mental dispositions (STA Munich 115
4298/84 decision of 24 April 1986).
The following expert testimony supports the idea that the test is
a deliberate form of unfair competition, "Through the inadequate (or
wrong) interpretation of the Oxford Personality Test, three of the
were mentally destabilized. This then lead to them signing the
which the Scientologists had at the ready." (Prof Dr. W. Mende,
Clinic of the Munich University, testimony from 21 Dec. 84 for the
KVR, p. 51 on personality tests).
Sometimes the evaluations yielded suicide risks: "One of the favored
sales techniques is to tell the subjects that the test showed they were
candidates for suicide." (STA Munich 115 Js 4298/84 decision of 24 Apr.
86). More expert testimony, "The statement that they were potential
candidates - that was reported in two cases - is not valid based on the
results of a test. In both cases they were factually wrong. Such
however, pose a threat to unstable people. Such a threat, in the
of preventive measures, poses a risk to the subject, especially if
therapeutic nor interpersonal relations exist. It is justifiable on
general psychological grounds nor by psychotherapeutic intention."
Dr. W. Mende, Psychiatric Clinic of the Munich University, testimony of
21 Dec. 84 for the Munich KVR).
Instructions for the test evaluation: →HCOB 19 Dec 79 BA 363
say that a low point on the right side of the curve means that the PC
crazy. →HCOB 19 Dec. 71 in Technical Bulletins VI, p. 462 says
that a low left side means that the PC is "out of valence" and a low
side means the PC is crazy.
Former Scientologist adherent Tom Voltz describes in his book
und (k)ein Ende" how he bought the rights to the test and the legal
that is currently in process on it.
is not a Personal Computer, but a Pre-Clear. That means a person who
is not yet clear, but is being (or will be) audited, and therefore
to be on the best way there.
The word "postulate" can always be heard around Scientologists. It
describes a determination or decision that leads (according to the
of the Scientologists) to a extensive increase in the ability of the
along with a corresponding development in reality. Taken the other way
around, it is, of course, a personal failure if you are not able to
your wishes or decisions into reality.
According to Hubbard a person has three kinds of mind next to each
other. One serves only to mechanically steer the body. One collects
and makes decisions on the basis of the accumulated data according to
logical criteria. The last is the "reactive mind," which causes all the
undesired conduct as it contains engrams. It is not subject to
control (see DSTD p. 4, 76, 91)
Purification Rundown (or Purification Program):
By sweating in a 140 degree sauna for hours on end, combined with the
ingestion of high dosages of vitamins, calcium and magnesium, body and
mind are supposed to be purged of drugs and environmental poisons.
»By Tech is mean Technology, which naturally refers to the
of the precise scientific drills and processes of Scientology.«
also called SP or Suppressive Person. Hubbard made a theory by which
there are people, who based on earlier experiences, now only wanted the
worst for the entire world. A large part of his theoretical writings
these people, their misdeeds, exposing them and the question of how to
render them harmless Psychiatrists and psychologists are always
as Suppressive Persons; there are a whole series of special programs to
suppress these people. It is typical for a person who is under the
of a psychiatrist (e.g., psychiatric treatment, psychopharmaceuticals)
are regarded by Scientologists as PTS (Potential Trouble Sources).
There are a couple of pages of contacts listed by the author in
Austria, Switzerland and Liechtenstein which would not be of use to
speakers, so they will not be listed
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