The Xenu Cake™

(beta version for english language countries with metric system)

The Recipe for The Xenu Cake™ is 75 million years old and comes from the time when the earth was still called Teegeeack and a prince named Xenu was the ruler of a galactic federation of 76 planets and 26 stars within this universe.

This cake is popular with both large and small Thetans. It tastes good with tea, coffee or fruit juice and is guaranteed to be free of Engrams!

Difficulty: OT III

The amount is specified for a springform pan of 22 cm diameter

Cake Ingredients:

  • 6 eggs
  • 100g castor or powdered sugar
  • 100g plain flour
  • 100g vegetable oil
  • 150g dark cooking chocolate
  • 100g ground almonds
  • 1/2 teaspoon (2.5ml) of baking powder (you may substitute Self-raising flour for the plain flour and baking powder)

Filling Ingredients:

  • 200g chestnut flour or ground chestnut
  • 2 tablespoons rum
  • Your choice of either the juice of one lemon or 125 ml thickened or whipping cream
  • 100g powdered (pure icing) sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla essence or equivalent

Glaze ingredients:

  • 1 cup thickened or whipping cream (250ml)
  • 200 g dark cooking chocolate
  • Red currant or raspberry jam to seal the cake (seedless)

Decoration ingredients:



  1. Melt the cooking chocolate in the oven at 120°C, or in a bain marie
  2. Grease and flour your springform tin
  3. After removing the chocolate, heat oven to ca. 160°C with top and bottom heat, fan off
  4. Separate your egg whites and yolks. Beat the egg whites until fluffy.
  5. In a separate bowl, beat the egg yolks, oil and sugar until foamy; gently fold in flour and baking powder and ground almonds, then stir in the melted chocolate.
  6. Fold in the whipped egg whites, stirring as little as possible to retain the air in the mixture.
  7. Pour the batter as fast as you can into the cake tin, and bake in the centre of the wall of fire (aka oven) for 40-45 minutes. DO NOT open the oven door for at least the first 30 minutes, or you will end up with an almond-meal pancake.
  8. While the cake is cooking, make the filling: Mix together chestnut flour, rum, lemon juice or cream, powdered icing sugar and vanilla essence, and keep mixing until the mixture is thick.
  9. Once the cake is cooked, cool completely on a cake-rack
  10. Once it has cooled, slice it in half horizontally, fill the centre with the filling, and put it in the refrigerator for two hours. If the filling is trying to escape, wrap the whole in plastic wrap.
  11. Heat up a half-cup of the raspberry or red currant jam to make it easier to spread. You want it warm but not burning hot.
  12. Spread the outside of the cake with the jam and allow to cool.
  13. For the icing: In a bain marie, heat the cooking chocolate and the cream, and stir until all the lumps of chocolate have melted. Remove the bowl from the water and keep stirring until the glaze has cooled (it should be warm but not hot to touch).
  14. Cover the cake with the glaze.
  15. Use the pre-made icing or the marzipan to make the decoration, using the writing-icing and the chestnuts to make suitably Xenu-like eyes.
  16. Put it away to cool for a few hours before cutting.


  • Clear: Clear: The ability to make a batter or dough without engrams (lumps)
  • OT Preps: Ability to understand a recipe and follow the steps in a cooking show.
  • OT Eligibility: The ability to cook using a recipes without your mum helping.
  • OT I: The ability to find your way around a pantry.
  • OT II: The ability to overcome the failures of past recipes during your life.

: the head shape of Xenu was created by downloading this picture, then open it in IrfanView, and print in A4 portrait format; then cut the picture out and use as a template for the marzipan/icing mix. The stars and planets are made with small cookie cutters normally used to cut out Christmas cookies.

Ilse Hruby

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